Jesus fuck it's been some time since we've done anything here. To be honest, I'm just doing this right now to spite Mark.
Actually, I think it would be a compelling podcast if you'd record me and Mark yelling at each other about somewhat trivial nerd shit and how Mark is the several times dropped child-man from a planet where logic and gravity come to work drunk and how I have lost my marbles in a turbine and a shard flew out of it, stabbing itself in the middle of my brain. Well, it would only be compelling if you're in to that sort of thing. But there's an audience for everything, even curling, which is a baffling sport to me since it looks like they're throwing a giant teapot and teasing it with brooms.
Fuck shit no wait.
I have no idea what I want to say.
Oh wait no.
I know that Mark starred in a student film, and he is very ashamed of it. I bet he's going to kill everyone Dr.Phibes style after it is shown. The day it's shamefulness is shown is the day Mark becomes a super villain. But I will aquire it and hold it ransom for... 5230 GBP? MYAHAHHA...haha.... I'd ask for more but you have to be reasonable. One day, I will tell Mark's children ''I was there, children of spazzking, I was there to witness your dad's faggiest hour''.
And to Mark, well, just consider me your Vegeta. I'll probably fail in the end when faced with your awesome... alien logic.
otrdiena, 2011. gada 26. aprīlis
otrdiena, 2011. gada 22. marts
In which I talk about hollywood adaptations of manga, selling out, how I respect Robert Potatoson, and why the idea itself is stupid
Alrighty then, you might have heard how they want to cast some non-teenage teenage heartrobs for the adaptation of Katsuhiro Otomo's legendary scifi manga and anime film, Akira. You know, the one where they yell ''TESUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'' and ''KANEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'' and there's like the tentacle arm and shit. For instance, for the role of Kaneda(aaaaaaa!) they considered Justin Timberlake, Chris Pine and other handsome men (no homo) and Robert Potatoson or Andrew Garfeild for the role of Tetsuo(ooooooooooooo!)
Now, then the people in the colon of the internet started erupting in to flaming.. poo... shit... lost chain of thou.... well you get the idea, they did what they always do. Now, I, for instance, wanted to say something about Timberlake, since that guy is 30 already and they want to cast him as a teenage biker, but most of the poopoo was thrown at Robert Patinson, I mean, Potatoson.
Now, Patinson is kind of like a more successful version of Hayden Christensen, in that both of them were cast due to them both being capable of making 14 year olds (the girl ones, it would be weird if it were the boy kind) frothy in their loins but ended up kind of shitcanned by the nerds later on due to the stigmata of being cast in analgarbage. Now mind you, the difference is that Christensen was in something that is now considered shit by everyone (who has seen Red Letter Media's reviews, atleast) and has promptly dropped off the radar, while Potatoson is in something that isn't quite as terribad in terms of everything as much as it is just written for 14 year old girls who don't know what a dick really is.
But the thing I wanted to say about Potatoson and Christensen to a lesser extent, is that they're not terrible actors, but saying that they are makes it easier for nerdprinces to hate them.
What I will say, is that I respect Potatoson since he made the same choice I would have : sold out.
I, the District Attorney of Hell, respect Potatoson for being a sellout. If you asked me if I wanted a couple of million dollars in exchange for participating in something I have no interest at best and will hate at worst, my answer would be ''I got my pen ready, motherfucker, I ain't got all day, it's gay vampire time! Shit! Where's my eyeliner?!''
Now, the average hipster or nerdprince would be like ''nooooo, do not compromise your integrity and sell out!'', to which I respond ''You can keep your useless integrity while I get payed, fucker! You're just haters who would never get a chance ether since you suck or are too stupid to!''
No but anway, this wasn't really the topic.
The topic would be hollywood adaptations of manga, and live action adaptations in general.
So you might ask me, what is the best live action film based off of anime made by the US. There's not much to chose from, atleast now, but still, let me surprise you.
Guyver 2 : Dark Hero, based off of the manga Bio Booster Armor Guyver and starring David Hayter, who is awesome. Now but here's the thing, when they adapted this thing, they weren't like ''let's find a big franchise and make it in to a million dollar adaptation'', shit no, they were like ''Kids are in to that Power Rangers thing, right? This Guyver shit is like that but like darker and way more violent. Eh, it's worth a try.''
In fact, the very idea of Guyver as a manga in the first place is that it's inspired by Kamen Rider and other Tokusatsu, which was aimed at children and had FX budget limits, so the comic, made in the same era of violence in manga as Fist Of The North Star, was a way to have way more over the top powerlevel shit and gore without fear of censors or a limited budget (since it's drawings and shit). Guyver the movie is just Guyver the comic going back to it's roots. In general, Guyver Dark Hero takes some liberties with the source material, but atleast it's spiritualy true to what Guyver is like in the comics and the OVA (you might even say more true to the comics than the 2005 anime was).
So how can accept the changes made to Guyver while shun the ones they would put in to, say, Dragonball Evolution?
Well, here's the thing. I know it's impossible to make a straight-up 1:1 adaptation of anything unless the source material is brief and easly adaptable. Otherwise, you need to apply changes. If you thought that Dragon Ball Evolution should adapt every arc picture perfectly, then you don't actually want to watch a film based off of it, you just want to watch the series by itself again.
But it's still possible to remain spiritualy true, which is what Guyver : Dark Hero did. DBE didn't do that. DBE did stupid shit by americanizing a movie based off of a series that was Asian but not specific to any country to some extent, but then when you throw in the asian elements on top of the americanized fundaments, it all becomes a clusterfuck. Now, the Guyver movies did americanize everything, but the difference is that Guyver isn't as much culture specific with it's themes. It's about a guy in a techno-organic suit of power armor fucking up monsters, and it's fucking awesome. Any culture can relate to that.
I would actually say Akira might have a better theoretical chance at working as a movie than Dragon Ball could have had from the get-go.
While Akira was very much a product of Japan (if the title didn't tip you off) in a very specific time, atleast it's themes and shit can atleast be applied to the rest of the world and maybe to other ages, too. It's a movie about teenage rebellion, the scars that war has left on the earth and superpowers. Those are things we all could relate to. And it has a pretty simple act constructure.
Now, Akira and Ghost In The Shell are like the Watchmen and the Blade Runner of Japanese popular fiction, both thematicaly and in terms of significance. (well okay, Akira/Watchmen thematicaly maybe not as much, but GitS/Blade Runner, totally)
And like those two things, it is possible to do masterpieces out of them, on paper. But to do that in reality, you need a budget, a good director and simply not fucking up.
With DB, you run in to the first problem from the get go.
''Oh crap how do we work in the flying?''
''Does he have to be asian. No wait, what the fuck does the ethnical makeup of a Saiyan even compare to, he has black hair but that's all I can really tell, if I make him asian, they might call me a racist! Oh no wait, forget that, Hollywood themselves are racist so they won't want a main character played by an asian since that would make Joe McAverage remember his grandpa and Pearl Harbor and walk out''
''Energy blasts! How do we do that? How much will it cost?''
''This shit is like 48 volumes long, how the shit are we going to do this? What characters do we use? What part of the story?''
If you ask me what could be done what couldn't, the logic is simple. The more realistic and maybe short the manga is, or atleast has a story arc that can be opened and closed for the movie, the easier to adapt. Asia knows this. They stay the fuck away from doing something stupid like making One Piece or Naruto the Movie. They stick to what I just said, and do things like Death Note or Detroit Metal City. And those movies are cool. But they're also about guys sitting around having tense discussions about who is L and who is Kira or Spinal Tap meets Metalocalypse in Japan.
Hell, the chinese movie based off of Inital D wasn't that bad, altough I won't lie, I did watch it without subtitles and my knowledge in mandarin chinese doesn't stem beyond insults.
Or what about the Korean film Oldboy, based off of a Japanese manga? That movie was a good movie. But once again, it's all based in reality.
Riki Oh was also based on a manga, and it was batshit insane and I loved every minute of it, so I guess that proves that you don't always have to base it in total realism.
You know, a thing like Berserk, or Hellsing, or Trigun, or Cowboy Bebop, or Big O (eat a dick, mark) could be done, since, once again if done the right way, in my opinion. One Piece, on the other hand? Definately not. Bleach or Naruto could work in some way, but One Piece would be totally fucked. It would be like a huge acid trip that would alienate us all beyond belief.
Now, then the people in the colon of the internet started erupting in to flaming.. poo... shit... lost chain of thou.... well you get the idea, they did what they always do. Now, I, for instance, wanted to say something about Timberlake, since that guy is 30 already and they want to cast him as a teenage biker, but most of the poopoo was thrown at Robert Patinson, I mean, Potatoson.
Now, Patinson is kind of like a more successful version of Hayden Christensen, in that both of them were cast due to them both being capable of making 14 year olds (the girl ones, it would be weird if it were the boy kind) frothy in their loins but ended up kind of shitcanned by the nerds later on due to the stigmata of being cast in analgarbage. Now mind you, the difference is that Christensen was in something that is now considered shit by everyone (who has seen Red Letter Media's reviews, atleast) and has promptly dropped off the radar, while Potatoson is in something that isn't quite as terribad in terms of everything as much as it is just written for 14 year old girls who don't know what a dick really is.
But the thing I wanted to say about Potatoson and Christensen to a lesser extent, is that they're not terrible actors, but saying that they are makes it easier for nerdprinces to hate them.
What I will say, is that I respect Potatoson since he made the same choice I would have : sold out.
I, the District Attorney of Hell, respect Potatoson for being a sellout. If you asked me if I wanted a couple of million dollars in exchange for participating in something I have no interest at best and will hate at worst, my answer would be ''I got my pen ready, motherfucker, I ain't got all day, it's gay vampire time! Shit! Where's my eyeliner?!''
Now, the average hipster or nerdprince would be like ''nooooo, do not compromise your integrity and sell out!'', to which I respond ''You can keep your useless integrity while I get payed, fucker! You're just haters who would never get a chance ether since you suck or are too stupid to!''
No but anway, this wasn't really the topic.
The topic would be hollywood adaptations of manga, and live action adaptations in general.
So you might ask me, what is the best live action film based off of anime made by the US. There's not much to chose from, atleast now, but still, let me surprise you.
Guyver 2 : Dark Hero, based off of the manga Bio Booster Armor Guyver and starring David Hayter, who is awesome. Now but here's the thing, when they adapted this thing, they weren't like ''let's find a big franchise and make it in to a million dollar adaptation'', shit no, they were like ''Kids are in to that Power Rangers thing, right? This Guyver shit is like that but like darker and way more violent. Eh, it's worth a try.''In fact, the very idea of Guyver as a manga in the first place is that it's inspired by Kamen Rider and other Tokusatsu, which was aimed at children and had FX budget limits, so the comic, made in the same era of violence in manga as Fist Of The North Star, was a way to have way more over the top powerlevel shit and gore without fear of censors or a limited budget (since it's drawings and shit). Guyver the movie is just Guyver the comic going back to it's roots. In general, Guyver Dark Hero takes some liberties with the source material, but atleast it's spiritualy true to what Guyver is like in the comics and the OVA (you might even say more true to the comics than the 2005 anime was).
So how can accept the changes made to Guyver while shun the ones they would put in to, say, Dragonball Evolution?
Well, here's the thing. I know it's impossible to make a straight-up 1:1 adaptation of anything unless the source material is brief and easly adaptable. Otherwise, you need to apply changes. If you thought that Dragon Ball Evolution should adapt every arc picture perfectly, then you don't actually want to watch a film based off of it, you just want to watch the series by itself again.
But it's still possible to remain spiritualy true, which is what Guyver : Dark Hero did. DBE didn't do that. DBE did stupid shit by americanizing a movie based off of a series that was Asian but not specific to any country to some extent, but then when you throw in the asian elements on top of the americanized fundaments, it all becomes a clusterfuck. Now, the Guyver movies did americanize everything, but the difference is that Guyver isn't as much culture specific with it's themes. It's about a guy in a techno-organic suit of power armor fucking up monsters, and it's fucking awesome. Any culture can relate to that.
I would actually say Akira might have a better theoretical chance at working as a movie than Dragon Ball could have had from the get-go.
While Akira was very much a product of Japan (if the title didn't tip you off) in a very specific time, atleast it's themes and shit can atleast be applied to the rest of the world and maybe to other ages, too. It's a movie about teenage rebellion, the scars that war has left on the earth and superpowers. Those are things we all could relate to. And it has a pretty simple act constructure.
Now, Akira and Ghost In The Shell are like the Watchmen and the Blade Runner of Japanese popular fiction, both thematicaly and in terms of significance. (well okay, Akira/Watchmen thematicaly maybe not as much, but GitS/Blade Runner, totally)
And like those two things, it is possible to do masterpieces out of them, on paper. But to do that in reality, you need a budget, a good director and simply not fucking up.
With DB, you run in to the first problem from the get go.
''Oh crap how do we work in the flying?''
''Does he have to be asian. No wait, what the fuck does the ethnical makeup of a Saiyan even compare to, he has black hair but that's all I can really tell, if I make him asian, they might call me a racist! Oh no wait, forget that, Hollywood themselves are racist so they won't want a main character played by an asian since that would make Joe McAverage remember his grandpa and Pearl Harbor and walk out''
''Energy blasts! How do we do that? How much will it cost?''
''This shit is like 48 volumes long, how the shit are we going to do this? What characters do we use? What part of the story?''
If you ask me what could be done what couldn't, the logic is simple. The more realistic and maybe short the manga is, or atleast has a story arc that can be opened and closed for the movie, the easier to adapt. Asia knows this. They stay the fuck away from doing something stupid like making One Piece or Naruto the Movie. They stick to what I just said, and do things like Death Note or Detroit Metal City. And those movies are cool. But they're also about guys sitting around having tense discussions about who is L and who is Kira or Spinal Tap meets Metalocalypse in Japan.
Hell, the chinese movie based off of Inital D wasn't that bad, altough I won't lie, I did watch it without subtitles and my knowledge in mandarin chinese doesn't stem beyond insults.
Or what about the Korean film Oldboy, based off of a Japanese manga? That movie was a good movie. But once again, it's all based in reality.
Riki Oh was also based on a manga, and it was batshit insane and I loved every minute of it, so I guess that proves that you don't always have to base it in total realism.
You know, a thing like Berserk, or Hellsing, or Trigun, or Cowboy Bebop, or Big O (eat a dick, mark) could be done, since, once again if done the right way, in my opinion. One Piece, on the other hand? Definately not. Bleach or Naruto could work in some way, but One Piece would be totally fucked. It would be like a huge acid trip that would alienate us all beyond belief.
pirmdiena, 2011. gada 21. marts
In which I talk about anime and myself, and what I think of anime today without being quite as X-TREEM as usual.
I don't get offended when called a weaboo, nor do I consider it an insult. But it depends on how you define weaboo. Now, my weaboo powerlevel is one of the highest in this part of europe, and I would like to declare the title ''Undefeated Of The East(ern Block)'' as my title. But I don't follow the weaboo mindset of Japan = greatest in every way. Japan has given me many things I truly enjoy, but it, for the most part, has also created shit I don't like. I don't think all anime is awesome and great. And the past few years have been pretty damn bad.
For instance, in 2009, there were two anime I really enjoyed, and those were Shin Mazinger and Hajime No Ippo New Challenger. Those two were respectively a remake of a nearly 40 year old anime that is a love letter to nostalgia by the master of nostalgia, Yasuhiro Imagawa based off of the works of possibly the greatest mangaka to ever live (Go Nagai, you uneducated monkeyfucks) and a sequel to an anime from 2002 based off of a manga that has been running for a good 20 years by now.
Last year was even worse, the only thing I really enjoyed was Panty & Stocking With Garterbelt, which kind of polarizes most neckbeardprinces on /a/.
Now check this shit mah nigs.
This is the next season line up. You might expect me to say that this is the worst thing ever, but let me blow your mind my saying that this is the best season I've seen in atleast 2 years, if not just since there's a new season of Kaiji. Fuck yes I'm going to get my dose of pointy noses, mullets, crying and gambling. I'll probably watch Hyogue Mono since I like my sengoku era shit. I might also watch Showa Monogatari, since I'm an old man at heart. Dororon Enma-kun is some Go Nagai shit, which is awesome but honestly I'd prefer a sequel to Shin Mazinger or maybe some Getter up in this bitch. Also Ao No Exorcist, since that sounds like equal parts Soul Eater and Ichiban Ushiro No Daimao. Oh and shit, Toriko is up in this bitch. It's an anime about a dude who beats up animals and eats them, so obviously I think it's the greatest thing ever. Oh hell, I think I might watch Tiger & Bunny since it might be fun.
Now, none of those are quite ''OH SHIT YES YES YES YES YES'' for me, but atleast it's better than the squirts of dark yellow piss that were the last two seasons.
Now look at this fucking shit. This was the last season. It was entirely catering to the sexual fustrations of the average otaku gigantor, that I kind of want to call Hiranos in honor of the Hellsing creator, who looks like a fat otaku gigantor, and maybe also in honor of Aya Hirano, a target of fat otaku gigantors, who I wish death upon atleast 3 times before breakfast.
No but seriously, look at that fucking shit. It's all catering to fat, smelly mysoginists who have lost all will to talk to real girls and instead have turned to lusting after 2D girls who are underaged. And in turn, to fully subject themselves to the universe of the objects of their perversion, they have to make useless everymen with a bland, forgetable personality counterbalanced by some awesome power (like the faggot from Infinite Stratos, Touma from Railgun/Index or Gayloosh, I mean, Lelouche from Code Gayass). The Hiranos might say ''Well what do you want? Goku or some shit? Faggot, Goku is a terrible character''.
Goku can atleast be called a character with an actual personality, sure, it consists of three phases (''I'm hungry!'' ''I train!'' ''I fight some dude for the sake of the universe and because I like fighting!''), but hey, alteast he's a rolemodel in some aspects since he does the right thing. The guy in Ore No Imouto is just some useless incestious fucker that holds back from pounding his useless sister in her stupid ass only due to censors and the fact that if they did that, it would just be a 2 episode hentai anime instead of a 12 episode TV anime with shit like image song CDs.
Furthermore, there's also not a lot of female characters who are much more than lust objects for said Hiranos. Their defining characteristics are the largeness (or smallness) of their breasts and other design elements fitted to appeal to smelly Hiranos of various sexual preferences (that are, no doubt, largely irrelevant to the future of their sexlives unless it goes terribly, terribly wrong). Panty and Stocking atleast did a spin on that by using that for self-aware perverted jokes that the characters themselves were aware of. Shit like Ore no Imouto is just vouyerism that the Hiranos engage IRL when stalking Seiyuu. Fuck Hiranos.
Ehh... I don't really know how to finish this post, to be honest, so let's leave it at that.
For instance, in 2009, there were two anime I really enjoyed, and those were Shin Mazinger and Hajime No Ippo New Challenger. Those two were respectively a remake of a nearly 40 year old anime that is a love letter to nostalgia by the master of nostalgia, Yasuhiro Imagawa based off of the works of possibly the greatest mangaka to ever live (Go Nagai, you uneducated monkeyfucks) and a sequel to an anime from 2002 based off of a manga that has been running for a good 20 years by now.
Last year was even worse, the only thing I really enjoyed was Panty & Stocking With Garterbelt, which kind of polarizes most neckbeardprinces on /a/.
Now check this shit mah nigs.
This is the next season line up. You might expect me to say that this is the worst thing ever, but let me blow your mind my saying that this is the best season I've seen in atleast 2 years, if not just since there's a new season of Kaiji. Fuck yes I'm going to get my dose of pointy noses, mullets, crying and gambling. I'll probably watch Hyogue Mono since I like my sengoku era shit. I might also watch Showa Monogatari, since I'm an old man at heart. Dororon Enma-kun is some Go Nagai shit, which is awesome but honestly I'd prefer a sequel to Shin Mazinger or maybe some Getter up in this bitch. Also Ao No Exorcist, since that sounds like equal parts Soul Eater and Ichiban Ushiro No Daimao. Oh and shit, Toriko is up in this bitch. It's an anime about a dude who beats up animals and eats them, so obviously I think it's the greatest thing ever. Oh hell, I think I might watch Tiger & Bunny since it might be fun.Now, none of those are quite ''OH SHIT YES YES YES YES YES'' for me, but atleast it's better than the squirts of dark yellow piss that were the last two seasons.
Now look at this fucking shit. This was the last season. It was entirely catering to the sexual fustrations of the average otaku gigantor, that I kind of want to call Hiranos in honor of the Hellsing creator, who looks like a fat otaku gigantor, and maybe also in honor of Aya Hirano, a target of fat otaku gigantors, who I wish death upon atleast 3 times before breakfast.No but seriously, look at that fucking shit. It's all catering to fat, smelly mysoginists who have lost all will to talk to real girls and instead have turned to lusting after 2D girls who are underaged. And in turn, to fully subject themselves to the universe of the objects of their perversion, they have to make useless everymen with a bland, forgetable personality counterbalanced by some awesome power (like the faggot from Infinite Stratos, Touma from Railgun/Index or Gayloosh, I mean, Lelouche from Code Gayass). The Hiranos might say ''Well what do you want? Goku or some shit? Faggot, Goku is a terrible character''.
Goku can atleast be called a character with an actual personality, sure, it consists of three phases (''I'm hungry!'' ''I train!'' ''I fight some dude for the sake of the universe and because I like fighting!''), but hey, alteast he's a rolemodel in some aspects since he does the right thing. The guy in Ore No Imouto is just some useless incestious fucker that holds back from pounding his useless sister in her stupid ass only due to censors and the fact that if they did that, it would just be a 2 episode hentai anime instead of a 12 episode TV anime with shit like image song CDs.
Furthermore, there's also not a lot of female characters who are much more than lust objects for said Hiranos. Their defining characteristics are the largeness (or smallness) of their breasts and other design elements fitted to appeal to smelly Hiranos of various sexual preferences (that are, no doubt, largely irrelevant to the future of their sexlives unless it goes terribly, terribly wrong). Panty and Stocking atleast did a spin on that by using that for self-aware perverted jokes that the characters themselves were aware of. Shit like Ore no Imouto is just vouyerism that the Hiranos engage IRL when stalking Seiyuu. Fuck Hiranos.
Ehh... I don't really know how to finish this post, to be honest, so let's leave it at that.
svētdiena, 2011. gada 13. marts
TEXT ADVENTURE OF SOMETHING HAPPENING TO SOME DUDE AND IT'S WEIRD : Meth Joe, Bitch Stabber EP1 : In the basement, all the bitches know where it's at
Eh let's try this.
Key words and things you can interact with are in bold allcaps. Irrelevant things or fuckups in italics.
You are METH JOE, a PROFESSIONAL BITCH STABBER with a PHD. Your interests are STABBING BITCHES and METH, as well as BOOKS and CINEMA. Despite your illegal acivity, you are still A PRETTY COOL PERSON that people like. You are not religeous, but you do follow the TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH OF BRO in times of distress.
You wake up in your BASEMENT after a night of drinking BLEACH and watching BLISTERINGLY AWFUL TV ABOUT DOUCHEBAGS FROM JERSEY on the TV. The SUN shines through the WINDOW upon your COLLECTION OF 70 YEAR OLD COMIC BOOK ADS WITH RACIST CONTENT WHICH WAS TOTALLY APROPRIATE BACK THEN. There is COMPUTER, TV, VIDEO GAME CONSOLES, GAMES AND BOOKSHELVES located in the BASEMENT. In the CORNER there is a DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTITUTE. On the DESK there is your SHANK and FINAL LINE OF UNBATMAN-LIKE DEFENSE, as well as some CHANGE. There are some GARBAGE BAGS in the drawer.
You chose to WATCH TV.
You chose to watch TV. You flip through the channels of translated analgarbage. You flip through the channels until your nemesis, (or atleast he calls himself that) Shitdick The Goblin appears. He got his name since you took a dump inside his weenie-warmer when he was a baby and his parents named him India- I mean, Native American Style. Shitdick is a mighty magican, so he has now decided that this is the time where he will extract his revenge on you. Just as you accedentaly click to a channel that is the fusion of MTV and BET and other things that make our future generations suffer without them knowing , Shitdick teleports your remote away and puts your TV under a self-supporting force field that amplifies sound. He also seals off all exits of the room.
You are stuck watching this garbage as it rapes the anus of your brain. You have no idea what to do. You start beating your head against the pavement until you are no more.
young paddlewang, more training you need. Try again.
Check DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTIUTE
You walk up to the corpse.
The Dwarf Prostitute is still alive due to her burning hatred of you. As you aproach the corpse, the dwarf jumps and slashes your throat open with the sharp broken end of her bone poking out of her poorly cut off arm. She then falls and breaks her head against the pavement and dies of accumulated damage. You then die painfuly as blood gushes over your stuff. Maybe this wasn't the way to go...
Shit, I thought you were smarter than this. Try again.
Pick up SHANK, GARBAGE BAG and FINAL LINE OF UNBATMAN-LIKE DEFENSE
USE SHANK on DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTITUTE
You throw your SHANK at the PROSTITUTE, it lodges in to her forehead. She makes a nondescript sound and finally gives in to the sweet embrace of death.
Check DEAD DWARF PROSTITUTE
You lament the fact that in this poor economy you have to resort to dismembering dwarf prostitutes instead of regular-size ones because they only need a medium size garbage bag to be disposed of.
You use GARBAGE BAG on DEAD DWARF PROSTITUTE.
You stuff her corpse in to the garbage bag. You have aquired CORPSE IN A BAG. Now to dispose of it.
You USE CORPSE IN A BAG on WINDOW.
You stuff the corpse through the small basement window. In 20 minutes, the KOREAN SWEATSHOP OWNER picks it up to do things that are no concern to you, but you think it involves nutrition for slaves. The KOREAN SWEATSHOP OWNER drops a box down your window, which falls with a klak on your concrete pavement.
You chose to OPEN the BOX
Inside there is a NOTE and sports shoes with the name Leebrawn Jams sewn on them.
You READ the NOTE.
''Dear Mr.Meth, our respectable company cannot pay you for the used goods this week. Please forgive us and take these PREMIUM QUALITY GOODS as partial payment.''
TAKE SHOES
You aquire GHETTO SHOES.
PUT ON GHETTO SHOES
The shoes are too small for your normal-size feet. Figures. You will still hold on to the shoes, maybe you could trade them for something.
LEAVE BASEMENT
You enter the upper floor, which belongs to THE CHURCH OF MORMON. It's time to start a new adventure!
trešdiena, 2011. gada 9. marts
I'm not dead, but sometimes I pretend I legaly am since you can't sue a dead person
Well, niggies, I guess it's been around a month since I actually wrote anything. eh. I want to do a post on like DBZ movies or something but right now I can't find the willpower to write about 13 movies + two TV specials when there is a peni... that dema... hand.... Penicilin that demands application by hand on to... something... I might be Doctor Doom but to be honest that's just a cool title, I never actually finished college and got my PHD because of that acursed Richards. But the thing is, Doctor Doom sounds way more credible than Gay DnD Wizard Doom.... Richards... Dickards.... dicks.... *yawn*
fuck you reed richards.
ANYWAY!
Penis stealing african sorcerers challenged me and demanded my penis. They recieved magic bolts up ass that amplified their AIDS. *yawn*
Okay this makes no sense.
And why am I now pretending to be Doctor Doom?
Well, I am Doctor Doom.
And my brain is tired and refuses to work in any logical paterns.
one, two. three. four. one two three four TURN THE BEAT BACK
Oh yeah, Yakuza 4 comes out this month. That should be fun. Should also pick up Marvel VS Capcom 3, so the saga of two men from Finland and Doctor Doom playing fighting games until 4AM can continue.... except, now Doctor Doom can play as DOOM. Sadly, Doom cannot play only as Doom and must also play as Wesker and Magneticpants, Master of Fagnet.
Speaking of Wesker, I recieved a compliment (altough it was supposed to be sort of an insult) that I am the lovechild of Wesker and Stephen Colbert. That is the nicest thing I have heard in such a long time.
Oh yeah, Deus Ex Human Revolution got delayed to August. Doom is slightly dissapointed that he cannot play what is the closest thing to a good game based off of GitS for even longer than it originaly seemed, but okay.
And.
Fuck Juggalos.
Bitches, I'm out like shout!
fuck you reed richards.
ANYWAY!
Penis stealing african sorcerers challenged me and demanded my penis. They recieved magic bolts up ass that amplified their AIDS. *yawn*
Okay this makes no sense.
And why am I now pretending to be Doctor Doom?
Well, I am Doctor Doom.
And my brain is tired and refuses to work in any logical paterns.
one, two. three. four. one two three four TURN THE BEAT BACK
Oh yeah, Yakuza 4 comes out this month. That should be fun. Should also pick up Marvel VS Capcom 3, so the saga of two men from Finland and Doctor Doom playing fighting games until 4AM can continue.... except, now Doctor Doom can play as DOOM. Sadly, Doom cannot play only as Doom and must also play as Wesker and Magneticpants, Master of Fagnet.
Speaking of Wesker, I recieved a compliment (altough it was supposed to be sort of an insult) that I am the lovechild of Wesker and Stephen Colbert. That is the nicest thing I have heard in such a long time.
Oh yeah, Deus Ex Human Revolution got delayed to August. Doom is slightly dissapointed that he cannot play what is the closest thing to a good game based off of GitS for even longer than it originaly seemed, but okay.
And.
Fuck Juggalos.
Bitches, I'm out like shout!
pirmdiena, 2011. gada 14. februāris
30 songs with some personal significance! POORLY VERSED IN ACTUAL MUSIC, NERD STYLE!
So I saw mah bro Cathal do one of these, apperently he got it from Facebook. I don't use facebook and I definately won't start now, so I'll just copypaste the questions from his blog.
LET'S GO!
01 - Your favorite song - Inner Light by Shocking Lemon
Gee, first question is already kind of complicated, I thought it'll start off slow, like by what song I do I strangle kids that I bully. Well, I guess it has to be Inner Light, altough I did not think this one over that much. That song is just manly, and talks about reaching a life goal and struggling against all odds, you dig? Also awesome guitar riffs.
02 - Your least favorite song - 3 by Britney Spears
I'm not even hating on this shit for posturing. My annoying, gay classmate was blasting this shit like every day for a whole year so whenever I hear this shit I go in to a blind, violent fury.
03 - A song that makes you happy - Midday Gardens by Stewart Copeland
Actually, pretty much every song from Spyro 2 or 3 fits this qualification.
04 - A song that makes you sad - To Zanarkand by Nobuo Uematsu
WHY DID IT HAVE TO END? ;_; TIDUS, NOOOOOOOOOO! No but seriously, that song just makes me sad that the game ended.
05 - A song that reminds you of someone - You're So Gay by Katy Perry
I know only one thing about this song. The song says ''You're so gay and you don't even like boys''. It reminds me of Mark. I'm sorry, Mark, I think you're a bro and all, but you are kind of gay.
06 - A song that reminds you of somewhere - OBJECTION! Theme of Phoenix Wright (Gyakuten Meets Orchestra version) by Noriyuki Iwadare
It reminds me of the courtroom, specificly, the courtroom from Ace Attorney and all the times I turned a case around and saved the day!
07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event - Angels Of Doom from the Evangelion 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone soundtrack
That scene where Rei and Shinji get their shit together and then they and hundreds of workers all work together to kill Ramiel with a particle rifle powered by Japan's entire power grid.
08 - A song you know all the words to - CHA LA HEAD CHA LA by Hironobu Kageyama
And I know them both in Japanese and in German!
09 - A song that you can dance to - FUCKINGHAM PALACE by Detroit Metal City from the Detroit Metal City movie
Actually, it's not dancing at all. All I do is headbang and punch the air while yelling ''FUCK'' rythmicaly
10 - A song that makes you fall asleep - Periscope Up by Emancipator
That song is so relaxing
11 - A song from your favorite band - TRANSFORMERS EVO. by JAM Project
WOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOAH WOOOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAHHHH
This song just sounds so heroic and JAM Project is awesome if you're a nerd.
12 - A song from a band you hate - Pump It by Black Eyed Peas
Fuck Black Eyed Peas. I want to see Will.i.am lynched. I would pay top dollar for that. And the other talantless hacks should be pushed out of windows.
13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure - EXPRESS LOVE by MEGA NGR MAN from the Initial D sound track
Actually, pretty much all of the Initial D soundtrack goes here. It's not good music in the way of good music, but I think it's the greatest soundtrack ever. I... I love it.
14 - A song noone expected you to love - Simple and Clean or Beautiful World by Utada Hikaru
I like Utada Hikaru a lot, and noone would expect that from someone as h4rdc0rz as me. Late in to the night you can hear me sing Beautiful World enthusiasticly like a homosexual. Also GEE by SNSD. Or Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
15 - A song which describes you - Holy Lonley Night by Fire Bomber
I wanna be Basara Nekki! It was a tie between this, Through The Night by Masahiko Arimachi and Eiyuu by doa
16 - A song you used to love but now hate - Let The Bodies Hit The Floor by Drowning Pool
Search for your favorite video game on youtube and find a fan gameplay video. Guess what music's playing?
17 - A song you often hear on the radio -
I don't actually listen to the radio. Ever.
18 - A song you wish you heard on the radio - Here Comes Char by Andrew W.K.
I would do drive-by shootings to this song while yelling SEIG ZEON.
19 - A song from your favorite album - FACE TO FACE by Daft Punk from the album DISCOVERY
Discovery is my favorite album ever, hands down.
20 - A song you listen to when strangling someone (the question was actually when angry, but I don't listen to music when angry, I listen to music when murdering) - Hulkster In Heaven by Hulk Hogan
It doesn't really make sense. It kind of does. But it doesn't.
21 - A song you listen to when happy - Life is Beautiful from the Deadly Premonition OST
You are now hearing this song in your brain, manually. If you have not heard it, you must hear it and then hear it forever.
22 - A song you listen to when sad - SOMETHING ABOUT US by Daft Punk
SHEMP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ;____; in Interstella 5555 that song was the saddest and best part of the movie
23 - A song you want to be played at your wedding - Divine Love by JAM Project
But only if the spouse doesn't mind me making the whole thing gay with my love of JAM Project
24 - A song you want to be played at your funeral - TORNADO by JAM Project
You definately can't stop me from making my funeral gay with JAM Project, but then again I probably won't care at that point.
25 - A song that makes you laugh - JADEN'S RAP from YuGiOh Abridged
I laughed so hard. Awesome.
26 - A song you can play on an interesting - The riff from Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple (very poorly)
But then again, any person who has ever picked up a guitar can.
27 - A song you wish you could play - Primal Light by Daisuke Ishiwatari from Guilty Gear XX OST
Actually, almost every song from that ost is the answer to this question.
28 - A song that makes you feel guilty - hmmmm... well... hm? Not sure
hmmmm... I could keep listing guilty pleasures but I guess that's not the idea here. Otherwise I don't know
29 - A song from your childhood - The german cover of Butterfly, the Japanese opening of Digimon Adventure
I kind of know the Japanese lyrics but I don't really remember the german ones. Only WOO-OO-OO-OAH WOOOO-OO-OOO-OAH dududududududu dnn dndnnnnnnnnnnnn
30 - Your favorite song around this time last year - Sousei No Aquarion, the Masaaki Endoh cover
Masaaki Endoh is the fucking man.
Ja, prepere for ze armcharing psychiatry und scheise. But know dis vell, if you hear ze Hulkster In Heaven playing nearby, it might be too late for you.
LET'S GO!
01 - Your favorite song - Inner Light by Shocking Lemon
Gee, first question is already kind of complicated, I thought it'll start off slow, like by what song I do I strangle kids that I bully. Well, I guess it has to be Inner Light, altough I did not think this one over that much. That song is just manly, and talks about reaching a life goal and struggling against all odds, you dig? Also awesome guitar riffs.
02 - Your least favorite song - 3 by Britney Spears
I'm not even hating on this shit for posturing. My annoying, gay classmate was blasting this shit like every day for a whole year so whenever I hear this shit I go in to a blind, violent fury.
03 - A song that makes you happy - Midday Gardens by Stewart Copeland
Actually, pretty much every song from Spyro 2 or 3 fits this qualification.
04 - A song that makes you sad - To Zanarkand by Nobuo Uematsu
WHY DID IT HAVE TO END? ;_; TIDUS, NOOOOOOOOOO! No but seriously, that song just makes me sad that the game ended.
05 - A song that reminds you of someone - You're So Gay by Katy Perry
I know only one thing about this song. The song says ''You're so gay and you don't even like boys''. It reminds me of Mark. I'm sorry, Mark, I think you're a bro and all, but you are kind of gay.
06 - A song that reminds you of somewhere - OBJECTION! Theme of Phoenix Wright (Gyakuten Meets Orchestra version) by Noriyuki Iwadare
It reminds me of the courtroom, specificly, the courtroom from Ace Attorney and all the times I turned a case around and saved the day!
07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event - Angels Of Doom from the Evangelion 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone soundtrack
That scene where Rei and Shinji get their shit together and then they and hundreds of workers all work together to kill Ramiel with a particle rifle powered by Japan's entire power grid.
08 - A song you know all the words to - CHA LA HEAD CHA LA by Hironobu Kageyama
And I know them both in Japanese and in German!
09 - A song that you can dance to - FUCKINGHAM PALACE by Detroit Metal City from the Detroit Metal City movie
Actually, it's not dancing at all. All I do is headbang and punch the air while yelling ''FUCK'' rythmicaly
10 - A song that makes you fall asleep - Periscope Up by Emancipator
That song is so relaxing
11 - A song from your favorite band - TRANSFORMERS EVO. by JAM Project
WOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOAH WOOOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAHHHH
This song just sounds so heroic and JAM Project is awesome if you're a nerd.
12 - A song from a band you hate - Pump It by Black Eyed Peas
Fuck Black Eyed Peas. I want to see Will.i.am lynched. I would pay top dollar for that. And the other talantless hacks should be pushed out of windows.
13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure - EXPRESS LOVE by MEGA NGR MAN from the Initial D sound track
Actually, pretty much all of the Initial D soundtrack goes here. It's not good music in the way of good music, but I think it's the greatest soundtrack ever. I... I love it.
14 - A song noone expected you to love - Simple and Clean or Beautiful World by Utada Hikaru
I like Utada Hikaru a lot, and noone would expect that from someone as h4rdc0rz as me. Late in to the night you can hear me sing Beautiful World enthusiasticly like a homosexual. Also GEE by SNSD. Or Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
15 - A song which describes you - Holy Lonley Night by Fire Bomber
I wanna be Basara Nekki! It was a tie between this, Through The Night by Masahiko Arimachi and Eiyuu by doa
16 - A song you used to love but now hate - Let The Bodies Hit The Floor by Drowning Pool
Search for your favorite video game on youtube and find a fan gameplay video. Guess what music's playing?
17 - A song you often hear on the radio -
I don't actually listen to the radio. Ever.
18 - A song you wish you heard on the radio - Here Comes Char by Andrew W.K.
I would do drive-by shootings to this song while yelling SEIG ZEON.
19 - A song from your favorite album - FACE TO FACE by Daft Punk from the album DISCOVERY
Discovery is my favorite album ever, hands down.
20 - A song you listen to when strangling someone (the question was actually when angry, but I don't listen to music when angry, I listen to music when murdering) - Hulkster In Heaven by Hulk Hogan
It doesn't really make sense. It kind of does. But it doesn't.
21 - A song you listen to when happy - Life is Beautiful from the Deadly Premonition OST
You are now hearing this song in your brain, manually. If you have not heard it, you must hear it and then hear it forever.
22 - A song you listen to when sad - SOMETHING ABOUT US by Daft Punk
SHEMP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ;____; in Interstella 5555 that song was the saddest and best part of the movie
23 - A song you want to be played at your wedding - Divine Love by JAM Project
But only if the spouse doesn't mind me making the whole thing gay with my love of JAM Project
24 - A song you want to be played at your funeral - TORNADO by JAM Project
You definately can't stop me from making my funeral gay with JAM Project, but then again I probably won't care at that point.
25 - A song that makes you laugh - JADEN'S RAP from YuGiOh Abridged
I laughed so hard. Awesome.
26 - A song you can play on an interesting - The riff from Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple (very poorly)
But then again, any person who has ever picked up a guitar can.
27 - A song you wish you could play - Primal Light by Daisuke Ishiwatari from Guilty Gear XX OST
Actually, almost every song from that ost is the answer to this question.
28 - A song that makes you feel guilty - hmmmm... well... hm? Not sure
hmmmm... I could keep listing guilty pleasures but I guess that's not the idea here. Otherwise I don't know
29 - A song from your childhood - The german cover of Butterfly, the Japanese opening of Digimon Adventure
I kind of know the Japanese lyrics but I don't really remember the german ones. Only WOO-OO-OO-OAH
30 - Your favorite song around this time last year - Sousei No Aquarion, the Masaaki Endoh cover
Masaaki Endoh is the fucking man.
Ja, prepere for ze armcharing psychiatry und scheise. But know dis vell, if you hear ze Hulkster In Heaven playing nearby, it might be too late for you.
otrdiena, 2011. gada 4. janvāris
Top 20 video games of the past decade!
In my continuous attempts to one up my bros at lists, here's my top 20 games of the past decade. I'm going to apply the rule that only one game for franchise counts, altough I might make exceptions for Final Fantasy... no wait there's really only one Final Fantasy truly worth me.... oh wait Crisis Core came out too... Hmmm....
20. IT'S BULLET HELL, BUT NOT THE SHUMP KIND - Gungrave Overdose
(I tried to find the cover with Mika and Grave, but I couldn't)
Gungrave Overdose isn't really that great of a game, but I just had so much fun with it. Alongside Beyond The Grave, Gungrave Overdose introduces two new playable characters (not present in the anime due to being maybe a bit too over the top). The characters are Juji Kabane, a blind, dead samurai-hobo who weilds gunswords, and Rocketbilly Redcadillac, a ghost who looks kind of like Vash The Stampede that posseses a guitar that shoots lightning. While none of the gameplay is superfantastic, the gameplay still satisfies when you do the Overkill moves which never get old (where else have you seen a blind hobo samurai jump in to the sky and become a meteor of etheral fire, or see a ghost possessing a guitar kill dudes by throwing roses at them at lightning speed).
Console : PS2
19. A horse weiner?! Now THAT'S dangerous! - Disgaea : Afternoon of Darkness
Disgaea : Afternoon of Darkness is every Fatlus's favorite SRPG for pedoforks, and the PSP version is the best one. It makes you grind yourself retarded and has a battle system that is basic at best and fucking infuriating at worst.
But at the same time, it has some funny writing, a great localization of the text (but a terrible dub) and a somewhat charming art style, altough for pedoforks.
No, seriously, I laughed so hard playing this game, the dialogue between the characters is hilarious. But another thing that makes the dialogue hilarious is that it has a wonderfully dark and slightly perverted sense of humor, which is not what you expect from a game with a cutesy art style like this. I bet some parents bought this game for their kids and were like ''oh, well this game is for kids. Oh how cute, they're little demons... '' and then the kids play it and the parent is like ''WAIT... what did he say about her breasts?!'' and ''HORSE WEINER? WHAT KIND OF PERVERTS MADE THIS SMUT?!''
Fun times.
console : PSP
Would also consider : Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden
18. Every neckbeard PCfag's favorite mute is back in town - Half Life 2
Half Life 2 is our go to game when my cousin comes over due to how fantastic it is. It's just a well crafted FPS with a single player campaign that is actually meaningul, rather than something made to somehow validate the money you spent on it since if it wasn't there someone would complain (see : CoD).
Everyone tolerate's Gaben's shit because he made this.
console : pc
17. So much time spent on this game, beating up people - Tekken 5 : Dark Resurrection
Spent so much time beating classmates at this game, like, fuck. But overall, I think Tekken 5 DR is the best Tekken. Tekken 6 wasn't as good, which is why Tekken 5 is my Tekken of choice.
console : psp
16. IT'S LIKE THEY MADE A VIDEO GAME ABOUT ME, EXCEPT, IT'S AWESOME! - No More Heroes
The game about my favorite fictional weaboo, Travis Touchdown. No More Heroes's strong point is it's absurdness. It's about a weaboo who buys a lightsabre and goes on a quest to murder 10 dudes so he can get it on with this french lady. And he fights a colorful array of killers, and he kills them.
The main character, Travis Touchdown, is pretty much the same thing as me, since we are both weaboos who live with cats and contribute nothing to society and act like dicks. Except I don't have a beam katana. I do have a regular one, though.
The thing is, this game is unpredictable with it's story since something weird happens every cutscene, ut the problem would be the gameplay, since the game is kind of meh without it's absurdity.
console : wii
15. Put on a trenchcoat and fight some conspiracies! - Deus Ex
If I lead a game design class, I would probably have a small, yet visible shrine for Deus Ex in the front of my class and I would horsewhip everyone who dares doubt the reason why.
Deus Ex might be a pretty dated game in terms of graphics and some of the gameplay, but it's (adimantinum covered) backbone is it's great level design and the implementation of choice, something not all video games implement, and very few implement well. This is a game that gives you tools and an objective and lets you invent your own method of dealing with your mission. In fact, I think I favor games with levels that have this kind of openness and detail to actual open worlds if done well.
console : pc
14. Robots shooting robots in an RPG - Megaman X : Command Mission
It's been years since I played this one but I really had a lot of fun with it. I chose this one over Battle Network and the Zero series since this one is caters a bit more to an wider audience compared to handheld RPGs for autists and platformers for platformer fans.
I remember beating this game 100% and damn well enjoying it. The game was kind of on the easy side but it was just a fun, fun game.
console : ps2
13. DRAAAACULA, I'M COMING TO YOUR CASTLE! I'M GONNA SLAY YA, SAY YA PRAYERS I'M... oh wait Dracula is already dead - Castlevania Aria Of Sorrow + Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait Of Ruin
A mad wizard genius with a beard, whip and a hat named Koji Igarashi came up with the Metroidvania gameplay style, which is my favorite kind of 2D gameplay, and I think the Sorrow games and Potrait Of Ruin (Mark gonna hate) are the best examples of said gameplay. Sure, Symphony Of The Night was the most important one since it established it, and also had the best soundtrack (unf, dat PS1 sound processor), but that game could be broken very easly due to some design flaws.
The Sorrow games take place in the far off year of 2035, where Soma Cruz, a white haired fabulous individual, is the reincarnation of Dracula, who had died in 1999 for realz (like, srs), and now he has to deal with his dark power and the evil indivuals who inhereted dracula's power and... to be honest it doesn't really matter, all that really matters is that you have the Soul System, which lets you steal the souls of dead enemies and take their powers (Mega Man style), and there's big castles full of monsters you can fuck up and rob of their eternal souls while you progress around the castle to progress metroid style.
Portrait of Ruin takes place in 1935 or something, back when Dracula is alive and shit and *yawn*. anyway, once again, see that castle? go crazy! This time you play as Jonathan and Charlotte, who you can switch between at any moment and go crazy in a castle from which you can travel in to paintings containing their own worlds and fucking up shit there.
Dawn of Sorrow has better basic gameplay and the soul system is just a blast, but Portrait Of Ruin feels way more refined and has more goals for you to achieve (wanna do some quests for Wind? Do you want to unlock the true power of the Vampire Killer? Do you want to go to the optional underground dungeon to fight really strong enemies to death?). I beat both of these games 100% (minus maybe the level cap playthroughs, no, I'm not hardcore enough for level 1 cap Red Axe Armor).
Console : GBA/DS
12. Shooting dudes! Saying witty comebacks like ''your left hand comes off?'' (lolololoolololololololololo) to Spanish midgets dressed like Napoleon! Refusing ''overtime''! (the fuck are you doing, man?)! - It's RESIDENT EVIL 4
Some fans don't like this game since it abandoned a lot of the previously established RE staples. While I am the first one to say good riddance to fixed, uncontrolable camera perspectives and tank controls, at the same time I kind of miss Umbrella and the T-virus, because these Plagas dudes are way lamer than the Tyrants.
Still, I like this game a lot since it was just so much fun. Well, all the horror aspects are more or less abandoned (minus maybe the Regenerators and Iron Maidens), because you feel like a total badass. The limitations of the old REs made them scary, but this game doesn't have those limitations, so you can just kill hundreds of parasite possesed Spaniards and feel fucking awesome.
The sequel wasn't as good, altough the co-op was enjoyable.
This game also was one of the first modern style TPSes, paving the way for games like Gears Of War and Uncharted.
Oh, and, Leon >>>>>>>>>>>>> Chris
when I grow up, I want to be just like Albert Wesker.
Console : PS2 and Wii
11. DID ANYBODY SAY... CRAZZZZZZZYYY?! - Devil May Cry 3 : Special Edition
The pinacle of the original extreme demon slaying series, Devil May Cry 3 : Special Edition is an updated version of the 3rd game, letting you play as the Edgeworth to Dante's Phoenix Wright (altough the colors are reversed). This game was just so much fun, and playing as Vergil was even more awesome, even if he didn't have an actual story and had a smaller arsenal of weapons.
Console : PS2 and Wii
10.DRAGON KICK YOUR ASS TO THE MILKY WAY - GOD HAND
This is an underrated cult classic. Shinji Mikami's God Hand was a PS2 game released during the end of the console's lifecycle and the game that lead to the disbanding of Clover Studios, but also the birth of Platinum Games, so it all works out in the end, kinda.
The game is about Gene, a wanderer of the wasteland who had lost his arm but had it replaced with the Godhand, a mystical arm with the power of a god, and he travels the wasteland with his girl companion Olivia, who mostly forces him in to going to places and beat up dudes to defeat the Four Devas, some evil dudes who want to revive the demon Angra, and these 4 dudes are the fat mexican demon Elvis, the hedonistic demonslut Shannon, a guy with a godhand calling himself Demonhand and this old demon guy named Belze.
On your quest, you beat up a pair flamboyant homosexuals (one of which is immune to the Ballbuster due to losing his balls in the war), power rangers midgets, a lucha libre gorilla who might actually not be a gorrila, a robot and other weirdos.
The game has very simple level design, making it mostly just halls that lead it in to arenas, but that's okay since atleast it brings you to interesting places where you get to beat up colorful individuals.
But the actual complaint that made most reviewers shaft this was the unrelenting difficulty of this game seeing as you only have dodging to guard yourself and enemy attacks deal a lot of damage, so you best dempsey roll some fuckers like Ippo or you are going to get your ass kicked. Also you have the God Reel and the God Hand, which are like the special moves in Dynasty Warriors and a general invincible super mode. But not quite since this game is a bit deeper and more scarce with it's health and god reel orbs so you don't really dare using any of your special moves, even when you get your ass kicked by dudes.
So yeah, the fact that this game isn't for pussies made it bomb since there were too much h4rdcorz who thought they were hardcore but were not and got buttfustrated.
Console : PS2
9.YOU'LL NEVER HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THIS! - Shin Megami Tensei : Persona 3 FES
;______;
20. IT'S BULLET HELL, BUT NOT THE SHUMP KIND - Gungrave Overdose
(I tried to find the cover with Mika and Grave, but I couldn't)Console : PS2
19. A horse weiner?! Now THAT'S dangerous! - Disgaea : Afternoon of Darkness
Disgaea : Afternoon of Darkness is every Fatlus's favorite SRPG for pedoforks, and the PSP version is the best one. It makes you grind yourself retarded and has a battle system that is basic at best and fucking infuriating at worst.But at the same time, it has some funny writing, a great localization of the text (but a terrible dub) and a somewhat charming art style, altough for pedoforks.
No, seriously, I laughed so hard playing this game, the dialogue between the characters is hilarious. But another thing that makes the dialogue hilarious is that it has a wonderfully dark and slightly perverted sense of humor, which is not what you expect from a game with a cutesy art style like this. I bet some parents bought this game for their kids and were like ''oh, well this game is for kids. Oh how cute, they're little demons... '' and then the kids play it and the parent is like ''WAIT... what did he say about her breasts?!'' and ''HORSE WEINER? WHAT KIND OF PERVERTS MADE THIS SMUT?!''
Fun times.
console : PSP
Would also consider : Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden
18. Every neckbeard PCfag's favorite mute is back in town - Half Life 2
Half Life 2 is our go to game when my cousin comes over due to how fantastic it is. It's just a well crafted FPS with a single player campaign that is actually meaningul, rather than something made to somehow validate the money you spent on it since if it wasn't there someone would complain (see : CoD).Everyone tolerate's Gaben's shit because he made this.
console : pc
17. So much time spent on this game, beating up people - Tekken 5 : Dark Resurrection
Spent so much time beating classmates at this game, like, fuck. But overall, I think Tekken 5 DR is the best Tekken. Tekken 6 wasn't as good, which is why Tekken 5 is my Tekken of choice.console : psp
16. IT'S LIKE THEY MADE A VIDEO GAME ABOUT ME, EXCEPT, IT'S AWESOME! - No More Heroes
The game about my favorite fictional weaboo, Travis Touchdown. No More Heroes's strong point is it's absurdness. It's about a weaboo who buys a lightsabre and goes on a quest to murder 10 dudes so he can get it on with this french lady. And he fights a colorful array of killers, and he kills them.The main character, Travis Touchdown, is pretty much the same thing as me, since we are both weaboos who live with cats and contribute nothing to society and act like dicks. Except I don't have a beam katana. I do have a regular one, though.
The thing is, this game is unpredictable with it's story since something weird happens every cutscene, ut the problem would be the gameplay, since the game is kind of meh without it's absurdity.
console : wii
15. Put on a trenchcoat and fight some conspiracies! - Deus Ex
If I lead a game design class, I would probably have a small, yet visible shrine for Deus Ex in the front of my class and I would horsewhip everyone who dares doubt the reason why.Deus Ex might be a pretty dated game in terms of graphics and some of the gameplay, but it's (adimantinum covered) backbone is it's great level design and the implementation of choice, something not all video games implement, and very few implement well. This is a game that gives you tools and an objective and lets you invent your own method of dealing with your mission. In fact, I think I favor games with levels that have this kind of openness and detail to actual open worlds if done well.
console : pc
14. Robots shooting robots in an RPG - Megaman X : Command Mission
It's been years since I played this one but I really had a lot of fun with it. I chose this one over Battle Network and the Zero series since this one is caters a bit more to an wider audience compared to handheld RPGs for autists and platformers for platformer fans.I remember beating this game 100% and damn well enjoying it. The game was kind of on the easy side but it was just a fun, fun game.
console : ps2
13. DRAAAACULA, I'M COMING TO YOUR CASTLE! I'M GONNA SLAY YA, SAY YA PRAYERS I'M... oh wait Dracula is already dead - Castlevania Aria Of Sorrow + Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait Of Ruin
A mad wizard genius with a beard, whip and a hat named Koji Igarashi came up with the Metroidvania gameplay style, which is my favorite kind of 2D gameplay, and I think the Sorrow games and Potrait Of Ruin (Mark gonna hate) are the best examples of said gameplay. Sure, Symphony Of The Night was the most important one since it established it, and also had the best soundtrack (unf, dat PS1 sound processor), but that game could be broken very easly due to some design flaws.The Sorrow games take place in the far off year of 2035, where Soma Cruz, a white haired fabulous individual, is the reincarnation of Dracula, who had died in 1999 for realz (like, srs), and now he has to deal with his dark power and the evil indivuals who inhereted dracula's power and... to be honest it doesn't really matter, all that really matters is that you have the Soul System, which lets you steal the souls of dead enemies and take their powers (Mega Man style), and there's big castles full of monsters you can fuck up and rob of their eternal souls while you progress around the castle to progress metroid style.
Portrait of Ruin takes place in 1935 or something, back when Dracula is alive and shit and *yawn*. anyway, once again, see that castle? go crazy! This time you play as Jonathan and Charlotte, who you can switch between at any moment and go crazy in a castle from which you can travel in to paintings containing their own worlds and fucking up shit there.
Dawn of Sorrow has better basic gameplay and the soul system is just a blast, but Portrait Of Ruin feels way more refined and has more goals for you to achieve (wanna do some quests for Wind? Do you want to unlock the true power of the Vampire Killer? Do you want to go to the optional underground dungeon to fight really strong enemies to death?). I beat both of these games 100% (minus maybe the level cap playthroughs, no, I'm not hardcore enough for level 1 cap Red Axe Armor).
Console : GBA/DS
12. Shooting dudes! Saying witty comebacks like ''your left hand comes off?'' (lolololoolololololololololo) to Spanish midgets dressed like Napoleon! Refusing ''overtime''! (the fuck are you doing, man?)! - It's RESIDENT EVIL 4
Some fans don't like this game since it abandoned a lot of the previously established RE staples. While I am the first one to say good riddance to fixed, uncontrolable camera perspectives and tank controls, at the same time I kind of miss Umbrella and the T-virus, because these Plagas dudes are way lamer than the Tyrants.Still, I like this game a lot since it was just so much fun. Well, all the horror aspects are more or less abandoned (minus maybe the Regenerators and Iron Maidens), because you feel like a total badass. The limitations of the old REs made them scary, but this game doesn't have those limitations, so you can just kill hundreds of parasite possesed Spaniards and feel fucking awesome.
The sequel wasn't as good, altough the co-op was enjoyable.
This game also was one of the first modern style TPSes, paving the way for games like Gears Of War and Uncharted.
Oh, and, Leon >>>>>>>>>>>>> Chris
when I grow up, I want to be just like Albert Wesker.
Console : PS2 and Wii
11. DID ANYBODY SAY... CRAZZZZZZZYYY?! - Devil May Cry 3 : Special Edition
The pinacle of the original extreme demon slaying series, Devil May Cry 3 : Special Edition is an updated version of the 3rd game, letting you play as the Edgeworth to Dante's Phoenix Wright (altough the colors are reversed). This game was just so much fun, and playing as Vergil was even more awesome, even if he didn't have an actual story and had a smaller arsenal of weapons.Console : PS2 and Wii
10.DRAGON KICK YOUR ASS TO THE MILKY WAY - GOD HAND
This is an underrated cult classic. Shinji Mikami's God Hand was a PS2 game released during the end of the console's lifecycle and the game that lead to the disbanding of Clover Studios, but also the birth of Platinum Games, so it all works out in the end, kinda.The game is about Gene, a wanderer of the wasteland who had lost his arm but had it replaced with the Godhand, a mystical arm with the power of a god, and he travels the wasteland with his girl companion Olivia, who mostly forces him in to going to places and beat up dudes to defeat the Four Devas, some evil dudes who want to revive the demon Angra, and these 4 dudes are the fat mexican demon Elvis, the hedonistic demonslut Shannon, a guy with a godhand calling himself Demonhand and this old demon guy named Belze.
On your quest, you beat up a pair flamboyant homosexuals (one of which is immune to the Ballbuster due to losing his balls in the war), power rangers midgets, a lucha libre gorilla who might actually not be a gorrila, a robot and other weirdos.
The game has very simple level design, making it mostly just halls that lead it in to arenas, but that's okay since atleast it brings you to interesting places where you get to beat up colorful individuals.
But the actual complaint that made most reviewers shaft this was the unrelenting difficulty of this game seeing as you only have dodging to guard yourself and enemy attacks deal a lot of damage, so you best dempsey roll some fuckers like Ippo or you are going to get your ass kicked. Also you have the God Reel and the God Hand, which are like the special moves in Dynasty Warriors and a general invincible super mode. But not quite since this game is a bit deeper and more scarce with it's health and god reel orbs so you don't really dare using any of your special moves, even when you get your ass kicked by dudes.
So yeah, the fact that this game isn't for pussies made it bomb since there were too much h4rdcorz who thought they were hardcore but were not and got buttfustrated.
Console : PS2
9.YOU'LL NEVER HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THIS! - Shin Megami Tensei : Persona 3 FES
;______;Console : ps2
8. Kazuma is a man's name, and Kazuma is a man's man! - Yakuza 3
Yakuza 3 is... oh hell I think you people already get it.
Console : PS3
7. IIIIINDESTRUCTABLE WON'T LE... oh wait they removed that song - Super Street Fighter IV
I was on with Street Fighter IV for day one and I played the fuck out of it with my Finnish bros for almost two years now. Maybe it's not quite for everyone and maybe unless they'll do a new edition for consoles, the entry phase is kind of passed, but I just really like this game and I have played it online for atleast 140 hours now between editions.
There is only one fighter that I prefer to this one, and it would be...
Console : PS3
6. LISTEN TO THESE FUCKING GUITAR RIFFS, GODDAMN! - Guilty Gear XX Accent Core +
Daisuke Ishiwatari's masterpiece of gameplay, character design and music. I played this game for a good year, alone on the PSP, every day without exception.
Today, I'm very dissapointed how they didn't make Guilty Gear X3 instead of BlazBlue.
Sol Badguy is the most badass fighting game main character ever.
Console : PSP
5. I LOVE RUNNING AROUND ROOFTOPS AND STABING UNSUSPECTING DUDES - Assassin's Creed Brotherhood
My favorite franchise of this generation. I didn't know I liked this game series before I played it but it's actually totally fucking awesome.
Console : PS3
4. DON'T JUDGE ME, BRO! - Kingdom Hearts 1
'''what, why not KH2?'' well to be honest, while I do think the Org XIII are a much more interesting set of villains, KH1 was better since it wasn't piss easy and less convoluted in terms of plot.
Should I go in to depth about this game? hmmmm... no.
Console : PS2
3. FUCK YOU, DAD! - Final Fantasy X
This and KH1 was the swan song of Squaresoft before they were consumed by Enix and fused in to an inferior, but much larger developer who shall remain not named.
This is an epic quest that takes you across a large, magical world to deal with both the character's personal and the whole world's problems against a godlike monster and an insane priest who thinks the best way to deal with humanity's fear of destruction is just killing them.
The game is probably not perfect, since some people (but not me) might think that a turn based battle system without realtime is a step back, the voice acting is pretty bad and the game is pretty linear, but it grabs you and pulls you in it's world that it doesn't matter as much (as it does in XIII).
Console : PS2
Oh, also
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH
2. Remember when the gameplay to cutscene ratio was good? - Metal Gear Solid 3 : Subsistance
No other game has sparked so much name calling and disagreement between me and Mark as much as this game has.
I think this is the best game in the franchise, due to having gameplay that isn't cluttered, a plot that isn't there to troll you, a cutscene to gameplay ratio that is atleast 3:7 and a main character that is both tragic and sympathetic.
I've beaten this game atleast 8 times, and goddamn if I will not beat it atleast 5 more times on the 3DS.
console : PS2
1. AWWW NIGGA I'M TRIPPING BALLS AS I'M TRAVELING BACK IN TO THE PAST - Spyro The Dragon 3 : Year Of The Dragon
Nostalgia, brah.
Also, dat Stewart Copeland soundtrack.
Console : PS1
8. Kazuma is a man's name, and Kazuma is a man's man! - Yakuza 3
Yakuza 3 is... oh hell I think you people already get it.Console : PS3
7. IIIIINDESTRUCTABLE WON'T LE... oh wait they removed that song - Super Street Fighter IV
I was on with Street Fighter IV for day one and I played the fuck out of it with my Finnish bros for almost two years now. Maybe it's not quite for everyone and maybe unless they'll do a new edition for consoles, the entry phase is kind of passed, but I just really like this game and I have played it online for atleast 140 hours now between editions.There is only one fighter that I prefer to this one, and it would be...
Console : PS3
6. LISTEN TO THESE FUCKING GUITAR RIFFS, GODDAMN! - Guilty Gear XX Accent Core +
Daisuke Ishiwatari's masterpiece of gameplay, character design and music. I played this game for a good year, alone on the PSP, every day without exception.Today, I'm very dissapointed how they didn't make Guilty Gear X3 instead of BlazBlue.
Sol Badguy is the most badass fighting game main character ever.
Console : PSP
5. I LOVE RUNNING AROUND ROOFTOPS AND STABING UNSUSPECTING DUDES - Assassin's Creed Brotherhood
My favorite franchise of this generation. I didn't know I liked this game series before I played it but it's actually totally fucking awesome.Console : PS3
4. DON'T JUDGE ME, BRO! - Kingdom Hearts 1
'''what, why not KH2?'' well to be honest, while I do think the Org XIII are a much more interesting set of villains, KH1 was better since it wasn't piss easy and less convoluted in terms of plot.Should I go in to depth about this game? hmmmm... no.
Console : PS2
3. FUCK YOU, DAD! - Final Fantasy X
This and KH1 was the swan song of Squaresoft before they were consumed by Enix and fused in to an inferior, but much larger developer who shall remain not named.This is an epic quest that takes you across a large, magical world to deal with both the character's personal and the whole world's problems against a godlike monster and an insane priest who thinks the best way to deal with humanity's fear of destruction is just killing them.
The game is probably not perfect, since some people (but not me) might think that a turn based battle system without realtime is a step back, the voice acting is pretty bad and the game is pretty linear, but it grabs you and pulls you in it's world that it doesn't matter as much (as it does in XIII).
Console : PS2
Oh, also
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH
2. Remember when the gameplay to cutscene ratio was good? - Metal Gear Solid 3 : Subsistance
No other game has sparked so much name calling and disagreement between me and Mark as much as this game has.I think this is the best game in the franchise, due to having gameplay that isn't cluttered, a plot that isn't there to troll you, a cutscene to gameplay ratio that is atleast 3:7 and a main character that is both tragic and sympathetic.
I've beaten this game atleast 8 times, and goddamn if I will not beat it atleast 5 more times on the 3DS.
console : PS2
1. AWWW NIGGA I'M TRIPPING BALLS AS I'M TRAVELING BACK IN TO THE PAST - Spyro The Dragon 3 : Year Of The Dragon
Nostalgia, brah.Also, dat Stewart Copeland soundtrack.
Console : PS1
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