Eh let's try this.
Key words and things you can interact with are in bold allcaps. Irrelevant things or fuckups in italics.
You are METH JOE, a PROFESSIONAL BITCH STABBER with a PHD. Your interests are STABBING BITCHES and METH, as well as BOOKS and CINEMA. Despite your illegal acivity, you are still A PRETTY COOL PERSON that people like. You are not religeous, but you do follow the TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH OF BRO in times of distress.
You wake up in your BASEMENT after a night of drinking BLEACH and watching BLISTERINGLY AWFUL TV ABOUT DOUCHEBAGS FROM JERSEY on the TV. The SUN shines through the WINDOW upon your COLLECTION OF 70 YEAR OLD COMIC BOOK ADS WITH RACIST CONTENT WHICH WAS TOTALLY APROPRIATE BACK THEN. There is COMPUTER, TV, VIDEO GAME CONSOLES, GAMES AND BOOKSHELVES located in the BASEMENT. In the CORNER there is a DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTITUTE. On the DESK there is your SHANK and FINAL LINE OF UNBATMAN-LIKE DEFENSE, as well as some CHANGE. There are some GARBAGE BAGS in the drawer.
You chose to WATCH TV.
You chose to watch TV. You flip through the channels of translated analgarbage. You flip through the channels until your nemesis, (or atleast he calls himself that) Shitdick The Goblin appears. He got his name since you took a dump inside his weenie-warmer when he was a baby and his parents named him India- I mean, Native American Style. Shitdick is a mighty magican, so he has now decided that this is the time where he will extract his revenge on you. Just as you accedentaly click to a channel that is the fusion of MTV and BET and other things that make our future generations suffer without them knowing , Shitdick teleports your remote away and puts your TV under a self-supporting force field that amplifies sound. He also seals off all exits of the room.
You are stuck watching this garbage as it rapes the anus of your brain. You have no idea what to do. You start beating your head against the pavement until you are no more.
young paddlewang, more training you need. Try again.
Check DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTIUTE
You walk up to the corpse.
The Dwarf Prostitute is still alive due to her burning hatred of you. As you aproach the corpse, the dwarf jumps and slashes your throat open with the sharp broken end of her bone poking out of her poorly cut off arm. She then falls and breaks her head against the pavement and dies of accumulated damage. You then die painfuly as blood gushes over your stuff. Maybe this wasn't the way to go...
Shit, I thought you were smarter than this. Try again.
Pick up SHANK, GARBAGE BAG and FINAL LINE OF UNBATMAN-LIKE DEFENSE
USE SHANK on DISMEMBERED DWARF PROSTITUTE
You throw your SHANK at the PROSTITUTE, it lodges in to her forehead. She makes a nondescript sound and finally gives in to the sweet embrace of death.
Check DEAD DWARF PROSTITUTE
You lament the fact that in this poor economy you have to resort to dismembering dwarf prostitutes instead of regular-size ones because they only need a medium size garbage bag to be disposed of.
You use GARBAGE BAG on DEAD DWARF PROSTITUTE.
You stuff her corpse in to the garbage bag. You have aquired CORPSE IN A BAG. Now to dispose of it.
You USE CORPSE IN A BAG on WINDOW.
You stuff the corpse through the small basement window. In 20 minutes, the KOREAN SWEATSHOP OWNER picks it up to do things that are no concern to you, but you think it involves nutrition for slaves. The KOREAN SWEATSHOP OWNER drops a box down your window, which falls with a klak on your concrete pavement.
You chose to OPEN the BOX
Inside there is a NOTE and sports shoes with the name Leebrawn Jams sewn on them.
You READ the NOTE.
''Dear Mr.Meth, our respectable company cannot pay you for the used goods this week. Please forgive us and take these PREMIUM QUALITY GOODS as partial payment.''
TAKE SHOES
You aquire GHETTO SHOES.
PUT ON GHETTO SHOES
The shoes are too small for your normal-size feet. Figures. You will still hold on to the shoes, maybe you could trade them for something.
LEAVE BASEMENT
You enter the upper floor, which belongs to THE CHURCH OF MORMON. It's time to start a new adventure!
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