Gundam Wing Endless Waltz : The end of the fairytail

I think this cover says it all

Endless Waltz is the conclusion to the Gundam Wing saga. This thing was a followup to the ending of the TV series since the next Gundam TV series, Gundam X bombed for being not as successful, despite being way more Gundam than any other non-UC Gundam. At first they released Endless Waltz as a 3-part OVA which was later turned in to a film. I only watched the film, and don't think I missed anything important. So first I'll give you a summary of the story.

One year after the end of the TV series ending, the Gundam Pilots, except for Wufei (who didn't read the memo since noone taught him how to read) are willing to say goodbye to their Gundams forever by launching them in to the sun. At the same time, Relena is kidnapped by a 4 year old girl, her grandpa and an army of idiots dressed in terrible uniforms but armed with grunts more effective than water pistols.
So the plot is that the 4 year old girl and her nigs are going to take over the world since for some reason all of civilization discareded their weapons, so it would be more or less a walk in the park, and the rest of the movie is how the Gundam Pilots and the Preventers fight against the Marimeia army both with and without mobile weapons.
Also for some reason Trowa and Wufei work for the villains for a bit. I don't really get why Trowa joined but I think it might have had something to do with blackmail or debt or maybe he was an infiltrator, I'm not sure, it wasn't really said. Wufei joined since he didn't believe in world peace or something, I'm not sure, we'll focus on Wutard later on.
So then while Duo and Heero fight in some colony not armed with their deathweapons, Trowa sits in a computer room and eats donuts, Wufei sits in Nataku and masturbates while dreaming of Treize, Quatre goes to get the gundams back, and succeeds.
Also some flashback material was shown about how noname became Trowa and the gundam pilots rebelled against the true Operation Meteor, and explained what exactly Operation Meteor is. Also it reveals that Heero has a guilty concience for the death of a little girl and her dog, altough you are just told about that, rather than you actually see Heero feel it.
So then Heero gets in to Wing Zero Custom and fights with Wufei in a fight where they exchange philosophies. I was distracted by Wing Zero Custom's sparkly wings to actually force myself to listen to them, since their dialogue was remiscent of a dillusional idealist and a retard arguing in a forum.
So meanwhile, Relena hangs out with the 4 year old girl and her grandpa in an underground base and exchange political banter.
Then the finale is Zechs, in the Tallgeese 3, along with Duo, Trowa, Quatre (in the Custom redesigns of their mechs) and Noin cripling, but not killing grunts in Serpents. Meanwhile, Wing Zero crashes in to the sea and Heero later wakes up and goes on his final mission to save Relena in Wing Zero. So then while it is said that the pilots are losing, altough it doesn't really look like that, Wing Zero starts hammering the underground base's sheild with the Twin Buster Rifle so hard the suit is wrecked entirely and falls like 500 metres, but since Heero's skeleton is made from the same shit as his gundam, he survives.
Then the little girl realizes what a retard she was and takes a bullet for Relena, but sadly does not die. Then her grandpa, who was an asshole, gets shot by his own soldiers. Then Heero falls in to Relena's arms like how all the fangirls wish he would in theirs.
After that, all of the mobile suits on earth were destroyed and the world never saw war again and the pilots had peaceful, normal lives, the end.

Fucking what. Okay no. Back up. This sounds way too idealistic. Okay fine, it's okay for say, the soldiers to wish for peace forever, since that's just an ideal, it doesn't mean it will happen, since I guaran-fucken-tee you that global peace will never happen unless humanity becomes extinct and only animals live on this planet. Such an idealistic ending, where conflict never happens again on earth, is something I'd expect from a fairytail. In Universal Century, everyone was completely aware that war will happen again and again, and they should be happy that they got the war done atleast for a while. G Gundam had also a somewhat idealized world since they got rid of war and replaced it with a tournament, but atleast that was like ''they chose to settle their differences in a different way'' rather than ''they never had conflict ever again''.

So for some reason Wufei was the only person to realize that global peace forever is impossible. Or rather, he didn't think that exactly, it's just that the Emperor Of The Six Holy Retards Of The South Star suspected that something isn't right, and he probably felt it in his krham. Then he fights Heero and Heero keeps telling him ''No way man, this peace is for real'' and Wufei's like ''no way''.

Also it's not really that well explained why exactly they chose to send the Gundams in to the sun. It serves the plot purpose of having a situation where the gundams could still be recovered. Now if they just detonated the gundams and then sent the scrap to be recycled in to indestructible gundanium dildos for Dorothy, they'd be fucked since there's no way they could have rebuilt the gundams fast enough to fight back when facing the Serpents.

Also speaking of Serpents, I really like the Serpent grunts. Compared to the Leos they're like Mazinger Z put next to an electric wheelchair with a bottle of urine and a propane tank sitting in it covered in gasoline. Under the balcony of a smoker's lounge. But I figured out why exactly I like the Serpents, besides the fact that they're the only grunts to feel like they pose a threat, is that they have gatling guns. I love gatling guns.

Also in the scene where Heero and Duo end up in Leos fighting Wufei and Trowa in a Serpent. These might have been the only cases in the history of After Colony that a Leo has ever done something other than explode. In fact, that Leo would have been elected empeoror of gruntkind in AC if he wasn't destroyed, but atleast he got in to valhalla.
Also it was funny how Duo said that the Serpent Custom uses the same style as Trowa when all it really did was stand in place and shoot until it runs out of ammo. Oh wait...

A good thing about Endless Waltz is that it uses mobile suits in just the right dosage. In the TV series it was all over the place. At one point you yawn as you see the Gundams destroy grunts when leaving pidegon poop on the gundam would do more damage than the Leos could ever do. And then at the middle point, the gundams appear very rarely so it's all just character interaction, which also isn't that good. In Endless Waltz, the Gundams are abscent for most of the film which builds up anticipation to see the gundams again and makes seeing them in action seem interesting.

Also they had Hajime Katoki design the redesigns of the Gundams. The true purpose was to boost model sales. So the movie retcons the TV series designs and has it like ''They were always like this'', which is kind of jarring.

So overall, Endless Waltz was better plotted out that the TV series and was a pretty decent film.

Gundam Wing : animated Universal Century fanfiction part four : Gendumbs

Now before I turn all of the Gundams in to scrap, one last thing I'd like to say about some other plot things that failed.

A million fucking factions and a political plot. Now politics are one of my least favorite things in the whole wide world. Gundam Wing has so many factions that you don't care about doing shit that is supposedly important. 0079 only had two factions that you had to care about, Zeon and the Federation. Zeta had three major powers, AEUG, Axis Zeon and the Titans. G Gundam wins, since while countries were involved, it was mostly a simple to understand sporting event and the villain was an entity than it was an organization. Gundam Wing has so many vague factions that I couldn't keep track of it, listen to this shit. The gundam pilots, united earth sphere derpdedoo, OZ, the Sanc Kingdom, White Fang, Treize Faction, Preventers, the army run by the 4 year old girl, the army of arabs, the Derpefeller organization, the colonies the list goes on and on, and they expect you to follow this shit. Because you can't follow who is doing what you can't follow the politics so you don't know why who is fighting who and why. It's more tangled than spaghetti thrown in to bush.

Number 3 : Mobile Suits (This isn't really a problem but I'll number it anyway)

I hate this fucking retarded text editor so hard.
So anyway, I established already what was wrong with the action in Wing, and that's not really the fault of the person who made the designs, both in universe and IRL. Now I'm going to talk about the Gundams and what strengths and flaws they have, in the same order as the characters.

Offended I am, what is doing here : Shenlong and Altron aka ''Nataku''



















So these two fuckers are Wufei's suits. These things offend me since they serve abso-fucki-lutely no true purpose. Supposedly they were made with some sort of martial arts philosophy and this thing is made exclusively for melee. Superfantastich, except there's like 3 more suits focused entirely on melee, and this isn't G Gundam where a melee unit being out of range isn't a liabilty. Okay nether is it in Wing but if it was reality it would.
So I never understood what purpose this thing has. I read that supposedly it has a state of the art detection system that detects things like weaknesses and cliched shit like that, except it was never mentioned or used, but maybe just since Wufei is a tard.
Shenlong/Altron are both recycled and slightly changed versions of the Dragon Gundam from G Gundam, hell Altron and Shenlong both mean dragon, anyway.
This suit baffles me just as much as it's user and I don't know if the people knew what the fuck they were doing when they included it in the show.

Bland and equally pointless, but less offending : Sandrock
With Sandrock the idea was that it was made for desert combat. Yes, awesome, except when you're fighting a global superpower all around the world, then you might end up in say, in the arctic or a jungle or even underwater, or in space. Also this thing is supposed to be the most well armored one, but since all of the Gundams are invincible until plot needs them not to be, this means nothing.
Another thing about it is that once again it's a melee unit. Okay sure, later on they give it a submachine gun, but I hardly call that well armed.
It's not really pointless, instead it's more of just a bad idea for the situation. I do like the Endless Waltz redesign on the right, though.

My beloved : Heavyarms
This thing I just love. For one thing, It's a concept that makes sense and is realistic, This thing is just a fucking beast. It has a million guns on it. I think I like the original better because of it's colors but I also like the custom because it has even more guns. And they thought about it and added a melee weapon too.
My only complaint is that it doesn't get enough screen time compared to the other pieces of shit.

A mishandled good concept : Deathsychte and Deathsychte Hell

Okay so Deathsychte was intended for stealth. This is good. I like stealth. It has a cloaking system that makes it invisible. Cool.
However, tards still got their hand on it, which is why it got a name with Death in it and armed with a gaudy sychte. On closer inspection, this thing is another G Gundam recycle, but better masked than Shenlong.
I can't bring myself to hate on it, but I do feel that they could have done a better job when it comes to something that is supposed to be stealthy. The sychte thing and the wings and everything just seems too gaudy for something that isn't supposed to attract attention.

The Winged Devil : Wing, Wing Zero, Wing Zero Custom

Okay so these two are Wing and Wing Zero, the two titular mobile suits. Besides the uber-thick plot armor there's not really a lot I can say about it, since it's otherwise a typical main Gundam. It has the paintjob and the design and the armament. Also like Zeta, this thing transforms.
Wing Zero was specificly stated not to be an upgrade, altough in terms of principle it basicly is. Wing Zero's unique feature would be the ZERO system, which feeds combat data directly to the brain. But it also makes you go crazy because thick human monkey craniums can't use it effectively. The ZERO system makes you hallucinate. This one gets passed around between every significant pilot in the series and for some reason they think that the hallucinations can give them advice on what to do. This all just reminded me of junkies passing around a needle and getting high.
Wing Zero Custom was the redesign from the Endless Waltz OVAs/movie. This thing entirely forefits any sort of realism that Wing Zero might had had in order to attract bitches and fags instead with it's giant pimp wings and helped pave the way for the gay sparkly magic gundams from SEED and SEED Destiny.
The wings on the previous versions were for the transformation in to the jets that the previous ones had. Wing Zero Custom does not have a transformation in the OVA, and nether does the model. Supposedly in like the Gundam Evolve shorts this thing could transform, but the transformation was laughable and made it look like a dildo.

The Motherfucking Talllgeese : Tallgeese I, II and III
The Tallgeese is badass, since while it is still very strong, unlike the gundams it has an actual flaw, but it's not since the designers were retarded.
This thing is brutal, This thing has very hard handling, so hard that if you're not careful, the speed of this thing will give you a heart attack or atleast break a few ribs with it's bone-crushing, raw power and speed. And with this I mean the pilot of the Tallgeese. If the Tallgeese had to fuck someone, they would be turned in to pudding in 15 seconds.

After this one there were two more Tallgeeses. II was Treize's suit, but there was nothing significant about it.
In Endless Waltz they made Tallgeese III, which is even more uninteresting, but they needed to give Zechs a mobile suit that was nether a gundam nor a grunt.

Closer to the Sazabi than it is to a Gundam : Epyon
This thing is fierce. It reminds me of a goddamn dragon. But if honest, I don't think this thing should be a gundam. You see, after G Gundam they had this trend of always giving everyone important a gundam. Let me remind you that in Universal Century, Gundams were high-end mobile suits of a specific brand, but this didn't mean that anything that's not a gundam can't hold the candle to it. There's a lot of mobile suits that were uber without being gundams in UC. Zeong, The O, Quebley, Sazabi, Sinanju, Kashatrya, the list goes on and on.
Besides the face, this thing doesn't look like a Gundam at all.
However, they did succeed with this one to make a melee unit that seemed nether misguided, stupid or pointless.

Then there's a bunch of grunts named after the zodiac but since none of them are good, there's no reason to talk about them.

I suppose this is the end of the Wing thing. Altough I may write something about Endless Waltz specificly.

Gundam Wing : animated Universal Century fanfiction part three : finishing up on the characters

Alright, let's pack this shit in : other characters

Zechs
Now pretty much every Gundam has some sort of character refrencing Char Aznable since Char is the greatest thing to ever come out of Gundam. Some characters are more subtile references, like say, Schwartz Bruder from G Gundam or Jamil from Gundam X, but Zechs is just a huge copy. But since Char is so fucking great, and Zechs is a good copy, the result is still one of the best characters in Wing.

Now okay, Zechs and Char don't have the same exact personality and they do have some different mannerisms, so it isn't just copypaste, but still.

Zechs goes through all of Char's phases over the course of 50 episodes, he goes from a soldier working on a side he is secretly fighting against to someone who wants to bring peace to space to this guy who wants to crash something in to the earth from space. Oh and in Endless Waltz he goes back to being a bringer of peace. Joy. I would have prefered that he died.

Treize

manly

Treize is the best character in Gundam Wing, and probably one of the greatest villain characters in the metafranchise. Most of the time, the villains are people like Gihren Zabi or Paptimus Scirocco or Ulube Ishikawa, dispicable, corrupt poltiicans who show just how corrupt you can get with enough power, who don't care about human lives at all. Treize, altough still a poltitican and ruthless, atleast comes across as a gentleman who is atleast aware that people are dying. Treize makes complete sense when he elaborates why he does what he does and what he believes in. It makes me think that someone else came up and wrote this character rather than the stupid cunt who wrote most of it.

Relena

Relena is the evidence that this shit is written by a woman, since she a quite typical for a romance subplot written by a woman in anime. I remember Ranma 1/2, and I never understood why Ranma ever developed any feelings for Akane since she was a huge bitch. I never understood why he didn't get it on with Shampoo since she was attractive and practicly begging him to fuck her.
Fangirls hate Relena with a burning passion since she fucks with their Heeroxsomeone OTPs.
She was a cunt and her english voice annoys me, but after a while I started to like her a bit more than I did in the beginning, seeing as how everyone forced a philosophy she didn't even believe in be forced on her. Then again, Gundam Wing, as a product made for girls, shouldn't really waste time trying to create interesting female characters since it's all about the man luv anyway.

Dorothy

This image has not been edited

Dorothy is fucking crazy. jesus fuck, she was so crazy. The series then tried to explain how and why she was the way she was, which made no sense. She should be fucking dead. But no. She baffles me just as much as Wufei.

Okay I've burned myself out completely, I originaly intended this and the previous post to be one whole but something happened. Okay so anyway, join us again tomorrow, when we go over the mobile suits and how and why they fail.

Gundam Wing : animated Universal Century fanfiction part two : a textwall about the characters

Eugh... I just noticed how tight everyone's pants are

Problem 2 : The characters

So the next problem would be the characters. For some reason they chose with 5 main characters of supposedly equal importance. Altough G Gundam also had a team of main characters, they never tried to distribute the attention payed to Domon equally amongst all the other characters. Also the rest of the Shuffle Alliance had clear goals and did serve some purpose, even if it was kind of simple compared to the tangled web of Wing. Wing has too many main characters that they try to put equal attention to, even when the plot has nothing for them to do.

Another problem would be that the characters are yaoi fiction stereotypes. You have the emotionless guy, the prankster, the mysterious silent one, the sumbissive one and the douchebag. Now before this one Universal Century Gundams were a man's series that dealt with things like the horrors of war through the eyes of a teenage soldier. G Gundam was also a man's series about a heroic manlyman doing heroic things on a quest that takes him from the slums of earth to space. So what I'm saying is that Gundam before this was uninteresting to women, and they wanted to change that with Wing.

Now the main problem with previous Gundams for women would be the characters. Amuro Ray was an arrogant, whiny nerd who was also a coward outside of his precious Gundam. Kamille Bidan was also whiny but also crazy at some points, seeing as how the first thing he did when he got in to a mobile suit was threathen a Feddie officer in a powertripping kind of way. Judau Ashta was... a jockish asshole? I think. Domon was also kind of a dick and had fits of testosterone rage from time to time and was manly in a way that girls don't find attractive? I suppose?

The characters of Wing are fanfiction stereotypes that girls like instead of dicks that were actually interesting characters. So let us dive in and talk about the characters specificly. I'm going to go in reverse order when it comes to the pilots.

The unlogical holy emperor of douchebags : Wufei Chang
This guy just baffles me. I don't understand why was he included in this series, what purpose he serves and what logic does he base his actions on, other than the fact that 4 isn't as cool as 5 pilots, even though with the Gundams they ran out of ideas after the 3rd one and they should have taken a hint.

Wufei makes no fucking sense to me. Okay so he rates everything he sees by strenght, but not in an understandable way like say Zaraki Kenpachi. To him, everything is too weak, including himself, his comrades and his enemies. Sure it doesn't sound hard to understand when I write the gist of it, but if you actually listen to this douche talk it makes no sense. I don't think even the writers knew what he was trying to say. He's certainly not following The Art Of War.

But because of the fact that he made no sense to me, I started enjoying the scenes he was in. Not since I liked him, but since he was the only character who's actions I couldn't predict.

So his only subplot in the series is that he has sort of like a rivlary with Treize. But this rivlary made no sense to me and I'm sure this rivlary was only tacked on so that he has some reason to be in the show, not since he was the best character to have a such an epic rivlary with Treize.
I laughed so hard when I watched his first encounter with Treize. He could have destroyed Treize with his stupid Gundam in one shot, but instead he decides to climb out and fight him with a machete. Wufei fights against Treize and then the fight ends abruptly because supposedly Treize checkmated him. Instead of getting angry at Treize for taking pity at him and fighting even harder, he runs back to his robot and starts crying like a little girl and flies away. And the way Treize ''beat'' him was just like a parent taking down his misbehaving child. I suppose they had Wufei cry since girls would find this sexy or something, but to me it just made him look like a bitch.

Then Treize and Wufei have one final fight and then I'm not completely sure what happened. So Wufei wanted to defeat him in a fair fight or something. Then Treize lets Wufei kill him. Then Wufei cries. The reason the Gundam Wiki gives me says ''since he finally beat the enemy he fought so hard for months''. But this is what I think happened. Treize trolled him and robbed him of his victory in a way that it could never be gotten, and since Wufei is a 8 year old girl on the inside, he coped with the situation in the only way he could. Cry.

Over the course of the series up to Endless Waltz I still never understood who's side he's really on and what is he trying to do. Something about justice? A character who follows the rules of power and justice does not work this way, so the only reasonable explenation I can think of is that the script was written by a woman or a fag.

Speaking of fags and women, Wufei is also the prettiest when cosplayed by a girl out of the 5 pilots.

Quadruple Pussy : Quatre Winner

Alright so from the minute I layed my eyes upon Quatre I knew exactly why they included him in this series. For yaoi slashfics, but since most of the other pilots look like they'll probably be the ones sticking it in they probably needed one to take it up the anus or something. Quatre is the kind of character that is ''a pacifist by nature that hates fighting, but the dire times demand him to fight, even if that's against his principles''. The kind of character that always says ''forgive me'' in a meek voice whenever he kills someone even though there is probably a different way.
But to be fair, he does serve more of a purpose as a character than say, Wufei or Trowa.

Altough he pilots the blandest and most pointless Gundam of them all, he is the only character who has actual resources and subordinates, so he has actual use to the plot outside of murdering grunts.

Then, around the middle point of the series, his dad dies. Then he gets in to the Wing Zero and starts murdering space colonies. What the fuck. Now I do understand that the ZERO system makes you in to like a violent psycho I suppose, but he still talked like a bleeding vagina despite just destroying a colony with that absurd rifle. But then some shit happned and then he returned to normal. Okay. But while he did whine about his gay lover Trowa, but didn't say a thing about the space colonies he destroyed.

Also he and Trowa are responsible for the gayest fucking scene possible without it involving direct genital contact.

I rest my case

Gay Clown : Trowa Barton
Trowa is Heero Yuy without the plot armor that made Heero Yuy so invincible. Trowa is an emotionless git with a Robert Smith fringe who is also a clown. I think with him they added him to the show only since they had the Heavyarms design and they needed someone to pilot it, but since I fucking love the Heavyarms, I'm completely fine with it.

I did like, however, that Trowa's past did tie in to the plot of Endless Waltz. Around the halfway point of the series he is taken out of the game for 15-ish episodes where he is an amnesiac being taken care by some protective girl. This is fanservice to the fangirls since that is probably what they would do too or something. I don't know.

There's really not a lot I can say about Trowa since he has no personality but doesn't have any other interesting features to his character. I would have wished that he had more screentime, though, if that would mean that I could see Heavyarms fuck shit up more.

A pretty cool guy : Duo Maxwell
Duo made sense, had more emotion than a bar of soap and wasn't a pussy, which makes him the best of the 5 pilots as a character, so there's nothing I can complain about. Except for the fact that the plot has nothing for him to do for like 15 episodes after the mid point.

Sent to the past by John Connor : Heero YuyHeero Yuy is a typical fanfiction protagonist. An emotionless ''badass'' who has a more human side that is never shown, but claimed that there is by other characters. Altough the evidence of abscence isn't the abscense of evidence, in this case it is.

Supposedly he feels bad for his fellow space colony dwellers and wants to see justice and has a kind heart. But this is never shown. The only times when he shows emotions is when he laughs. And when he laughs, it's always when he kills someone.

In the first episode you see him laugh so hard when he kills a Leo piloted by some nameless grunt. This isn't something someone who is kind would do. This is something a psycho would do.

Another thing is that this guy can do unbelievable feats. I've seen him control his brainwaves, bend metal bars, fall from a rooftop of a 5 floor building, only to run away and later mend his broken legs just by pulling them back in to place and survive death from a point blank explosion, and all of this happened in the first 10 episodes.

So Heero was taught by some sort of assassin who taught him this shit, maybe? Not even Ezio Auditore, the ultimate assassin couldn't do any of this shit.

Judging by his lack of understanding for human feelings at all, at first I thought he was a fucking Vulcan, but then after seeing him pull his leg back in to place, I realized what Heero actually is. He's a terminator. That's the only reasonable explenation I can think of for the way he is.

But I don't hate Heero, actually I don't hate any of the main characters. But I think I prefer Heero to Amuro Ray, since atleast Heero doesn't whine all the time like a bitch, nor is he a coward.

Heero actually reminds me of a certain Full Metal Panic! character.

Great scott, they even look the same

Sousuke Sagara and Heero Yuy are both identical in the way that they're both children of the battlefield who act like vulcans. The only difference is that Sagara's emotionless demanor is the source of humor at times while Heero's robotic nature doesn't disturb anyone besides Duo, and as we all have established, Duo is the most level-headed, normal person in the entire series. God knows what it would be like if Heero and Sousuke ever meet. Oh wait I have a good idea what it would be like. MS Paint timez

Gundam Wing : animated Universal Century fanfiction part 1 : Plotanium Armor

Now chances are that if you weren't an embryo around 1999-ish and had Cartoon Network you have probably seen this anime. Because of how cable works around these parts we didn't have Toonami so all I did see was a couple of commericals for it but never got to see the series itself until a few months ago when I watched the entire series.
In the west this anime was groundbreaking for several reasons. It had great production values. This was also one of the first anime to come in to a more mainstream view as opposed to bootleg fansubs or just heavily altered and edited dubs. Gundam Wing's dub was unbelievably faithful to it's original script and featured top noch voice acting for an anime of that era. It's diametricaly opposed to another anime from that point, DBZ, which had an intentionaly changed script, hammy dialogue, corny, over the top voice acting compared to the more straight-faced Japanese version.
You can also say that this anime was a bit more mature for the time period compared to most of the stuff on the channel at the time.
However. Without any nostalgia for Gundam Wing, I can clearly see the flaws of Gundam Wing. It has the same characterization and the way action happens is the same thing you would typicaly find in a fanfiction. Altough Gundam Wing is still more compitently written than 100% of the dross on fanfiction.net, it still suffers from elements of what a fanfiction contain.

Problem #1 : The Action

So the first problem I have with Wing, altough it might be second to most people who aren't stupid, would be the action. Now Gundam Wing goes through most of the motions of Gundam 0079, the Gundam that I think all other Gundams should be compared to, and mostly fail compared to it. Now in 0079 the 3 Federation mobile suits were semi-unique at the timepoint and more or less the secret weapon of the Feddies compared to the neverending legions of Zakus that Zeon had. But you have to remember, while the Federation was less equiped than Zeon, they were still an official organization and that didn't mean they didn't mean that they didn't have manpower or weapons at all save for the 3 mobile suits. But in Wing, the 5 Gundams are absolutely everything that a poorly organized rebellion has.
The Feddie mobile suits were superior to most of Zeon's mobile suits and it was more or less because of the Gundam that the Federation got so far, but that didn't mean that the Gundam was invincible. To the RX-78-2 Gundam, even a piece of shit like a Zaku II could pose a serious threat and could make twisted metal salad to it if Amuro didn't watch his stupid ass.

Now I do agree that if the 5 mobile suits were to be able to pose a threat to a global superpower, they probably should be much stronger than an RX-78-2. But you see, that's unrealistic. You see, God Gundam could probably do it all alone, but with G Gundam they realized that if they want to do something like that, then they should probably drop all pretences of trying to be realistic, and the result was awesome. But with Wing, they're trying to make homage to 0079. Now if you haven't watched 0079 you probably didn't even realize that this is supposed to be real robots.

Okay no, if Evangelion has anything done right, it would be the fact that they did mecha-esque action that seemed realistic to a certain degree while still having the damn things feel powerful and significant enough that they really do feel like humanity's last hope. In Evangelion you actually felt the EVA's actions when they did something.

The Gundams in Wing are just these invincible death machines that are never posed any threat at all, and only take damage when it's convenient to the plot. I saw all of the grunts like the Leos and the Tauruses impotently pew pew at the invincible plot armors of the Gundams in a manner that's like having 5 year olds armed with straws and chewed up paper balls trying to kill Nosferatu Zodd. So after like 20 episodes of watching the Gundams take millions of ammunitions dumps to the faceplates with no significant damage while killing grunts like snapping bread sticks, suddenly, SUDDENLY, Duo goes in to space and gets his ass wrecked by a bunch of grunts. One shot even took off Deathsychte's arm in one clean swoop. I was like ''wait... WAIT. WHAT. This has never happened before''. So supposedly the 20 episodes actually took some sort of toll on the Deathsychte, except there was no sign of that ever happening before. In Evangelion, pretty much every battle took some sort of toll on the EVAs, like arms being torn off and armor being destroyed. You saw the RX-78 take damage all the time, and in the finale it was wrecked completely because of how fucking brutal the shit it went through was. Instead, the Gundams in Wing take damage only when the plot needs a reason for the Gundam to not be involved for a while.
In Gundam Wing, any mobile suit that isn't a Gundam or a Tallgeese meets the same exact destiny in a way that makes the countless pointless battles seem boring in samey since it's just like watching lambs being sent to a slaughterhouse.
The greatest offenders from the Gundams would be the Wing and the Wing Zero Gundams with their Buster Rifles.

''This isn't Gundam at all''

I was taken out of the experience when I saw the Wing Gundam kill 5 Grunts with like a single shot with these huge DBZ-style beams. And they do it all the fucking time. You see, if you're going to make a tribute to 0079, I expect you to have some realism. And having DBZ beams is certainly not realistic. But then they act like nothing happened at all. Sure, in UC you had mobile suits like the Zeong and suits with funnels that could take out large groups of enemies, but there it wasn't failsafe and it was equaly the pilot's skill and newtype power as it was the uberness of his suit. But the Gundams in Wing murder hordes of grunts with the same significance as wiping their ass.
The only times when the action actually gets interesting are when it's Gundam on Gundam or Gundam on Tallgeese action, and these fights are very, very, very rare compared to the hundreds of meaningless grunt fights that use the same recycled (but not bad) animations since there are only 10 specific mobile suits over the course of the entire 50 episode series that actually matter.
In the very ending of the TV series there is a situation where it looks like things are not good as half of like the space colony thing is still falling on the earth with no way to stop it. This scene was a callback to the finale of Char's Counterattack. Then Wufei throws the Twin Buster Rifle to Heero and everyone is instantly like ''YEAH WE'RE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT'' before the fucker even fires the damn thing. It's like the characters were sure since they understood the way the series was written. No, seriously, it wasn't like cautious optimism, it was like ''FUCK YEAH, HURRY UP HEERO AND GET THIS SHIT FINISHED, WE'RE GOING TO UNCORK THE CHAMPAGNE'' when Heero hadn't even caught the rifle yet. Imediately they destroyed any tension. Now the way this scene ended in CCA was kind of ''wait what'' but it atleast had some tension and there was an actual loss at the end. Instead, this is just some Mary Sue shit.

Okay so tune back in tomorrow as I dive in with a machete and a raincoat in to the pool of fanfiction elements.

E3 press conference overview part FINAL : Sony

Sony won last year and altough they didn't win this year they still did a good job. I think one of the problems that I had with this year was that I pretty much knew about all the big titles they announced.

The conference begins with Jack Tretton coming on stage and talking about typical E3 shit about how they're the best and droping a few small burns on Microsoft.

Then Kazuo Hirai came, and won the medal for best English from a Japanese person in E3, beating Miyamoto and Iwata. Then he talked about how they're going to make 3D in to like a significant thing that's here to stay and shit. Nintendo was right about how it's the glasses that fuck with most people, especialy people like my dad who have to wear regular glasses under the 3D glasses to see shit. But these guys said nothing about that, since they know that the truth hurts.

Then some European man came and presented Killzone 3 (or as he calls it, Klzn 3) and talked how they bring new toys to the table and and new zones, which was nice, but I wanted to know if they still have that unbelievably shitty control scheme. So then there was a live demo and ehhh... I just blanked out since it was another goddamn game about spacemarines shooting other people with metal pieces shot from rifles.

Then Kazzy talked some more and then they showed a bunch of games that will have 3D. Okay, as long as I don't HAVE to use the 3D I'm fine.

Then some person came and started talking about how great the Move controler is. Then they showed a video of devs talking about how great the Move controler is. Note how all of them are like first party devs for Sony.

Then some person from a studio I have never heard of came and displayed a game called Sorcery. First impressions were ehhhh, since it looked like a Harry Potter game without Harry Potter. But then as they progressed it actually looked interesting for some reason, I can't really put my finger on what was it that made it grow on me but it did. Maybe it was the combination spells? I just get the feeling that these guys have some imagination.

Then it was Tiger Woods time as some person from EA sports came to show the new golf game with Move. At first I was like ''ugh... golf'' but then when they demonstrated it I actually realized that this was a smart move to show golf, since it really did show 1:1 motion even on slight twitches. This was probably the only time I've ever been impressed by golf.

After that they showed Heroes On The Move, a Sony crossover game about Ratchet, Jak and Sly Cooper teaming up and beating up guys. I sort of wanted this to happen in some way, a crossover game starring Jak and Ratchet, but the addition of Sly makes it all the better.

Then they announced a partnership with Coca Cola about things I didn't pay attention to, but after the person talked about it, there was a weird ''YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH'' crowd reaction. But as the camera panned, it was actually about...

Kevin motherfucking Butler. Kevin Butler is the greatest thing to happen to SCE. I remember back when the PS3 launched in Europe there were these creepy ''THIS IS LIVING'' commericals about naked middle aged Italian soccer fans and bank robbers with suitcases full of money (so that they could buy a PS3 I presume, it was never said) that made no sense. But with Kevin Butler they fucking got everything perfect. Those commercials are witty, informative, funny and when they apply burns to the opposition, they are real zingers. Then Kevin Butler made an awesome speech about gaming in his trademark slightly awkward but manly and awesome style. But seriously, it was ZING after ZING after ZING.

Then they revealed the launch data on Move. Coming this September. First for the dildo itself you have to pay 49.99 USD to which everyone responded with FUCK YEAH. But then the navigation controler costs an aditional 29,99. And Move bundles of shovelware, the dildo and a camera will cost 99,99. So I have to throw down 79,98 for the dildo and the navigator. Still sounds reasonable, but it isn't as exciting as the first thing everyone thought as soon as they showed 49,99. Also some launch titles I don't know anything about.

Then they talked about Marcus PSP. Marcus is a 13 year old kid who is like an ethnic Robin to Kevin Butler's Batman and their mission is to keep the PSP alive. You know, this was also pretty good. It feels good to see that Sony finally got their ads to a point where they're actually a joy to watch.

Then they showed a reel of PSP games. The new God Of War PSP game which they didn't have to show gameplay for (and they didn't) since everyone knows what to expect from the very beginning. The new Metal Gear which I should get around to and play. Invizimals which is not worth the time of anyone who is watching. I wanted Jack Tretton to apologize, but he didn't. Since he is Jack Tretton. Then i... Pata pata pon dodon chaka pata pata pon. Also, motherfucking Kingdom Hearts. Since I am a huge faggot I will play this thing and enjoy it. Then shit got real with the new Parasite Eve game The 3rd Birthday which I had forgotten all about by now and it looked awesome. Persona 3 Portable fuck yes. That was a very nice reel.

Then Jack Tretton started talking about PSN and it's userbase and it's services. Nothing interesting happened besides him mentioning The Tester, which is a reality TV show for tards who think they know about gaming, but actually don't. Then they unveied PSN+. The thing that pissed me off was how everything you get for free you own for the duration of your subscription, but it does make sense. But to be honest, a feature like cross game voice communication should have been included in to the regular PSN, but then it wouldn't be Sony if they didn't make atleast one bad choice.

Then they showed LittleBigPlanet 2. LBP1 was the most I've been dissapointed in a game this generation, because while the creation was free and vast, the core game was kind of shitty, jumping always felt like being a flea on the moon. But I'm willing to bite this hook again and atleast try. If I wasn't an impatient idiot I would make a level where you pilot a mecha called Iron God Getzinger (geddit?) and fuck up monsters. I hope LBP has enough tools to make atleast a semi-functional mecha.

Then some man with an amazing beard came and showed Medal Of Honor. You could see how EA is siding with the PS3 while Activision is siding with the 360. But Medal Of Honor looked identical to MW2, So... nnn... nyee....nnnn... uhhhh... bleh.

Then they showed Dead Space 2, this demo was a sequel to the demo in the EA press conference. You didn't really see a lot of clear gameplay, instead you could watch some impressive set pieces that end with an even more impressive cliffhanger.

Then it was surprise time as Gabe Newell came, looking quite distressed, and no wonder. After all, he talked a lot of shit about the PS3 and now here he is in Sony central, being stared at by millions of fanbois including myself. So Portal 2 for the PStriple, and The Gabe said that this will be the bestest console version of the game. Also something about Steamworks support but they didn't elaborate. Portal 2 looked actually pretty cool. Gabe did look like he was thinking ''What the fuck are you doing, Gabe? Why are you here? Oh god I sound like Peter Molyneux with this promise.''

Then a trailer for FF XIV was shown. Looked nice for an MMO. (keywords : for an MMO) Then they showed a trailer for Assassin's Creed multi which didn't explain how it works.

After that, Gran Turismo 5. Oh shit it looked so good. So good. I usualy don't play driving games but I will throw down with this one. Release date November 2 in the US and A. I hope they don't leave me in the rain, waiting for it while those fucking Amercians get to drive the Bugatti Veyron to their heart's content.

inFamous 2. Now I liked the original inFamous a lot. The first thing that came to mind was ''That guy doesn't look like Cole''. But Cole wasn't exactly my favorite character in any way so maybe changes were welcome. Ice powers? Cool. Will want to see more.

And then, there was a trailer for Twisted Metal PS3. This one was rumored but I didn't know what to believe. The live action trailer was pretty cool, altough no gameplay. Then a fat man cosplaying the clown guy drove a van out and then David Jaffe came out. Lemonface sort of trolled everyone since was telling us how he won't be at E3 and there is not going to be a Twisted Metal PS3. Then they showed gameplay and the gameplay was cool I suppose. But ehh, I don't think it's Twisted Metal's era anymore.

And that was it. There were no real OH SHIT moments besides GT5's release date but it was a solid press conference.

E3 press conference overview part Quattro Bajeena : Nintendo

Nintendo, all is forgiven. It seems that Nintendo finally got around to reading my letters, along with the letters of pretty much everyone else who isn't a retard (or is, but was still not pleased). Nintendo finally have gotten their shit together. For the two years before this Nintendo's conferences were all a hour long wagglefest that bored everyone boring enough to watch this shit and then in the end they put in like one or two ''hardcore'' game in the end so that their most loyal soldiers don't turn on them completely and still stay in their ranks. But Nintendo finally got their shit together and delivered the goods. Also no fucking Cammie Dunaway, who had been done away (har har har) in a porta-potty in a landfil in Dimension X.

It all started with Regginator coming out and talking about typical stuff about how they're innovating and how they're raping the rivals and shit. Then there was a video of Miyamoto where he tells you about the new Zelda. Then some translator guy was given the helm of the demo and he was bad at it, except it was intentional. Then suddenly, Miyamoto himself came out from the back and said ''yo nigs you's be suckin' so why don't you take five while I show these punks what's what. word.'' Except Miyamoto wasn't really that great at it ether, but I won't put it against him since I don't think Miyamoto plays games as a hobby. So the demo was shown and first thing that I thought was ''what a nice art style''. It's none of that Wind Waker's simplistic, artificial midgets or the dogshit brown bloom of Toilet Pape... Twilight Princess. This one feels more like a callback to the Ocarina and Majora's era and it was actually quite pleasing to look at. Then they had a demo of the new stuff and the new control scheme. This game will require Wii Motion Plus, which is fine by me, if the thing actually does improve the dildo and the breast pump in any way. There were some hicups, which could be traced back to the two previously mentioned problems : Miyamoto does not play games and the Wiimote isn't really that great of a controller.
I'll probably buy it.

Then Regginator talked about sports games, talking about the new NBA Jam, and then talking about another Mario sports game, but atleast this time it's all kinds of sports in one game instead of one sport per disc like in the GCN era.
Then The Regge talked about how the rumors of how the Wii is losing momentum and how Wii owners don't play games is false and the opposite is true. I didn't get if he was trying to talk smack on the others or not because Regginator T-9000 isn't built for trashtalk, but for the destruction of rectums.
Then there was some Wii game about Miis party gaming around the world. I blanked out at that point and woke up just in time for...

Golden Sun Dark Dawn. Now I have never played a Golden Sun but it did look nice and I know a lot of people wanted to see this. There's not a lot I can comment on since I have no experience witn said series. But the audience reacted much more to this than they did for all the games between Zelda and this.

Goldeneye. Goldeneye was a game that you had to be there in the day to understand. Since I wasn't there at the time, this just looked to me like an unimpressive FPS about James Bond that profits on mudded memories of the past which looked very meh compared to the FPSes on the other consoles.

Then Warren Spector and his subordinate came to present Disney Epic Mickey (or as Reggie calls it, Disney Epic Disney). The game reminded me of Kingdom Hearts minus Disney, but to be honest I would say that even if it was an RTS or a fighting game. (Actually a Disney fighting game would be cool.) But it really did remind me of Kingdom Hearts. Altough I have no true attachment to Disney, I still think this could be awesome and would play it. Also if I get to meet Warren Spector I would instantly ask him if there will be a level based off of the Donald Duck cartoon about nazis.

Then they showed Kirby Epic Yarn, which is the cutest fucking game I've ever seen without it seeming creepy or sickening. Also it looked like Kirby doesn't eat things anymore but I'm not sure. Also you can transform in to a tank. Kirby is a total fucking badass despite being a little pink blob that makes uguu sounds all the time.

Dragon Quest IX. Dragon Quest is a Japan thing and this is a giant fucking craze in Japan. From what Reggie said it sounded like it was a timesink of galactic proportions.

Then there was a trailer for Metroid Other M. Honestly, the idea of Metroid Dread for DS sounded way better to me than a corridor fest made by Team Ninja. Team fucking Ninja. Seriously, Nintendo? Couldn't you find someone better?

Then it was Donkey Kong time. Donkey Kong is a monkey so I instantly don't like him. This one is a callback to Donkey Kong Country. I think DK Country was probably a game series you had to be there to appreciate, since I don't. But I suppose it won't be bad since it IS by Retro Studios.

Then it was 3DS time. After like 15 minutes of both Regginator and later Satoru Iwata talking, sounding very pleased with themselves, they showed Kid Icarus Uprising. My first reaction was ''oh we're back to Wii gam...''

''...THAT'S a 3DS game?!''

Well shit. I guess they had me by the balls there. I don't really care about 3D at all but the very prospect of it just being a DS with all of the stats cranked up instantly sold me on it. After that Iwata revealed the 3rd party devs, which resulted in this reaction.

''Hayashida.''
''Yes, Kamiyama?''
''How much money do we have?''

I suppose Nintendo really did win E3, since that was the most times I've said sold in 90 minutes. And it got even better when I read the full list of announced titles. My only complaints would be no new Ace Attorney and there was no footage of the new Pokemon game.

Overall, Nintendo redeemed itself from me hating on it for such a long time. Now I truly know who my enemy is. Microsoft.

''There is still something I need to do, I now know who my true enemy is''

In this gif, Char represents me while Kycilia represents Microsoft.

E3 press conference overview part Drei-del : Ubisoft

Ubisoft is a company I like, I suppose. They're the ones that made Assassin's Creed 2, my game of the year 2009, but I still never forget that they're to EA what EA is to Activision, if that makes sense.

The confrence was hosted by Joel McHale. At first I found him amusing but after a while I realized that having him is a bad idea. His style of comedy is based off of making fun of other things and being a dick, so even when he tries to sound interested it comes off as him being a sarcastic dick so he always has to apologize after every remark targeted at someone else since they might not get that he's joking and realize that he's actually an asshole. Now on to the games.

It starts with the only Kinect game I want, Child Of Eden from Tetsuya Mizuguchi, the person who made Rez. Later I found out that you can get it on the PS3 too, so I was thrilled. It's another trippy and colorful shooter that assults your eyes and ears with colorful displays of particle effects and sounds. The way it was shown as Mizuguchi himself played the game gave it an impression of a symphony of awesome. A+ would buy twice.

Then it gets better with Assassin's Creed Brotherhood, which starts with a pretty cool CG cutscene of Ezio going through a crowd to confront some person while other assassins provide cover with bows and arrows. It ends with the typical VERSUS shot with the two sides running at each other head on. After that there's a demonstration that begins with an awkward sex scene. The fort is assulted by.. some guys and they have cannons and shit. It ends with a certain item being taken by Ezio's rival and Ezio getting shot and falling from a rooftop. Gameplay improvements... ehh... They said they'll improve the horses and insert, god help us, horse combat. I personaly never used a horse in AC2 and avoided them whenever possible so the idea of horse combat, which will probably be forced, does not thrill me. Also turret sequences. They said they fine-tuned the combat, but the AC combat was never good so ehh. Still will buy.

Then it was time for Shaun White Skateboarding featuring guest star Shaun White. Shaun White may be the son of Carrot Top but he's still a pretty cool guy I suppose. Now the game sort of reminded me of Flower and Saboteur with the fact that through your actions you return color and life to the world. And Shaun White has the powers of Green Lantern, since he can generate green halfpipes and extending rails out of thin air.

Then it was silly time, since the next game was pretty much laser tag that you can play at home. It was... well it was laser tag but... moving on.

Then it was fitness time with the same exact fitness game and script as the one in the Microsoft conference.

Then there was another Rabbids game. meh

Then they showed Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Future Soldier, which I view as one part Splinter Cell, one part Gears and one part Modern Warfare. It looked like an interesting game to play with people.

Then the CEO of Ubisoft came and sounded like girl someone had beaten up a bit. Then they showed Driver San Francisco which has the feature where you can jump from car to car with the power of... umm... being in a coma. While the game didn't look bad, the other racers seen shit on it.

Then there was some Populous style game called Project Dust.

Then there was Rayman Origins, which looked cool and very impressive for a game only 5 people work on. I mean really, that's the dev team. 5 people.

And finally, a Michael Jackson game, no gameplay was shown. Not even a trailer was shown. Just a bunch of dancers came and reenacted Beat It.

Overall, Ubisoft was second worst, but still okay I suppose.

E3 press conference overview part Duhx : Electronic Arts

In the PS2 generation, EA was considered the devil. Well now that title is owned by Activision, for reasons not directly connected to this press conference. So anyway, I had no real expectations of EA itself since I always associate EA with Madden which I assoicate with... nothing? I forgot what I assocate it with. But over the past years EA has made some good games. The most interesting part, however, was to see the new EA partners. I was surprised by the fact that EA actually was capable of keeping me interested for 1 hour and 30 minutes so that I wouldn't have to reach for my Kamen Rider figures to keep myself entertained. Also it's funny how EA is a company I (possibly wrongly) associate with Americans with all the sports and shit yet most of the people who presented something were all clearly european, or atleast French Canadian. No wait that's Ubisoft.

It all started on a high note with Need For Speed Hot Pursuit developed by Criterion, the studio that brought us Burnout. Need For Speed was a game series that probably needed to be put in to capable hands to stay relevant, and this is exactly what they did. They showed some one on one car chases. It looked fun, I'm not the hugest fan of racing games but I play them sometimes. Would consider buying.

Then there was a demo of Dead Space 2. Dead Space is a game I only didn't play out of being a pussy. The game didn't seem scary when you're watching it together with thousands of people over the internet but I'm sure it would get to me after a while of playing it alone. Also the demo ended with a cliffhanger, and they said that they would show the thrilling conclusion in Sony's conference.

Then they demonstrated a 24 player game of Medal Of Honor, but truth be told, it went too fast and too perfect to seem like people were actually playing it, especialy since noone was talking. Atleast in the Gears Of War 3 demo from Microsoft Cliffy B and his nigs seemed to communicate.

Then they showed a teaser for another Battlefeild. Battlefield is a series I know even less about than I know about CoD.

Also Gunclub, some sort of EA service for their shooters.

Then it was sports time as Peter Moore came on the stage. I wasn't terribly thrilled but I didn't hold it against EA since that's what EA does. It makes sports games.

First game was EA MMA, following hot on UFC Undisputed's footsteps. Now if there is something I like about EA Sports is that they make nice trailers. The thing about MMA games is that I think the gameplay is shitty, but maybe I just don't get any game about fighting that doesn't involve parts of cricles and directions. Also no schoolgirls or fireballs ether.

Then there was a fitness game. I seriousy don't think the people that care about this sort of thing would be watching this.

Then Joe Montana came and had smalltalk about sports with Peter Moore while they showed footage of Madden NFL 11-ty umpleen. I don't think Joe Montana knows shit about video games, but atleast he seemed like a nice person.

Then, after a philosophical speech from some british person about existence and free will, they showcased some Sims stuff. Once again I don't think the Sims crowd was watching.

Then it was EA partners time. They first talked about some of their partners in the crowd, like Respawn and Bioware, who had nothing to show this year, Then Cliffy B came with some other people and presented...

Bulletstorm. Bulletstorm is claimed by Cliffy B as a balls to the wall over the top action shooter as oppsed to dogshit brown shooters most people make, including himself. But then they showed a gameplay demo. My first reaction was ''Clifford, if this is your understanding of over the top then you are boring as shit, since the Japanese shooter games like Vanquish or even cookieface's Devil's Third look over the top than this.'' Altough it did look like Bulletstorm had more going on than say, a Tom Clancy game, it still did seem like it wasn't making most of the ''over the top'' thing. I watched it and the only thing that crossed my mind was ''who is that voice actor I'm hearing''. Turns out it was Steve Blum putting a bit of Solid Snake in to his voice.

Then they showed Crysis 2. I still stay by my opinion of Crysis main selling aspect is graphics. A friend of mine can try telling me that Crysis is fun and open ended, but I still couldn't get rid of the throwing up reflex from seeing another cuntgargling game about spacemarines killing aliens in first or third person with a rifle. Also it featured 3D. Yay, I said, with the same enthusiasm as this picture.

So all in all, it was surprising that EA could do a coherent and interesting press conference. I'm interested in seeing more partner projects with EA.

E3 press conference overview part 1 : Microsoft

Microsoft, I'm very dissapointed in you. Well actually no, since I don't have any big expectations from Microsoft, but for different reasons than I have no big expectations from Nintendo.

The Microsoft Press Conference was dissapointing since it really didn't have a lot to do with what I consider gaming, it was mostly for casuals who probably don't get out of their way to tune in and watch press conferences when there's stuff to do like play Wii Sports Resort and watch sitcoms, but I digress.
For the first 30 minutes they showed their ''hardcore'' games, which were crammed back to back so it gave the impression that they needed to get rid of this shit fast before they could start the real show. Here's a quick rundown of the games they showed and what I think of them.

Call Of Duty Black Ops.
I've only played one Call Of Duty over the course of my entire life and I think it's enough. I think Call of Duty will fuck up after this one even more. You see, Treyarc or something was the second-string developer they used to fill in the space for the IW CoDs. Now they have a lot to follow up on, since MW2 was the best selling shooter of all time. But that's not really the issue, I think it's more of an issue that I enter a short coma whenever I watch something that has to do with CoD since even if you don't play it, you still come in contact with in all the time like with second hand smoke. But since this is Activision, they will milk the tits of this cashcow so hard that it will look like a shot from Riki Oh.

Metal Gear Solid Rising
Sold. Sold. But for the PS3. I'm a MGS superfanboy so this, with incredible bias, wins best of Microsoft. But hell, it was still the best thing if I wasn't biased ether. But retooled gameplay? A character we hated turned badass that we now love? Slashing shit? Count me in!

Then Peter Molyneux came, or as I call him, the Prince Of Lies. Pete had very limited time on stage, but he still had time to boast a bit in traditional fashion. This time he didn't bring his son's soul stuck in an Xbox, so it was already better. Then he revealed...

Fable 3
Fable is a game series I have absolutely no interest in. The artstyle, plot and gameplay all seem boring to me, for biased reasons, so feel free to call me out on sucking glorious nippon's dick all the time, since I have no comeback for that. I really do do that. ALL ZE TIME. But it looks like Fable's theme now is about revolution. I'm sure there's people who will buy this and enjoy this. Pete doesn't make bad games, but he does make exagerations of cosmic proportions. No gameplay was shown.

Halo : Reach
Halo. 4 person co-op. Would maybe play. Not really excited.

Gears Of War 3
4 person co-op. Would play. There's really not a lot you can say about Halo and Gears since it's the same shit all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Absent was Crackdown 2, which was weird since that comes out in like a month. Then there was a teaser trailer for some sort of gladiator game from Crytek. After that it all devolved in to horrible shit and I almost booked a ticket to LA just so that I can demand moral compensation.

Then they talked for 30 minutes about Natal... I mean, Kinect. They talked about the menus and shit and how you can use them with the camera. So you can say ''Xbox '' and something happens. I don't know, have we really become so lazy that we can't even pick up a controler to navigate our menus? It's just clicking a dpad for a bit and then pressing a button. In fact, the idea of having to tell the Xbox what you want it to do sounds more complicated than doing it yourself. It would be like using the phone to tell your grandpa how to use a VCR. Also, the first presenter was black, which is actually interesting, because if you remember last year when they unveiled Natal, a certain African American journalist couldn't use it since the camera was racist or something. So this guy was to prove that they solved that, altough everyone already forgot that since noone likes N'Gai Croal.
Then some girl who was bad at acting came out and talked about some more features. Then she video chatted with her twin sister. (spoiler : there was no twin sister) Then two American sportspersons who I don't know anything about came out and talked about some sports channel that could now be streamed on Xbox 360. Gold subscription only, what a surprise. Altough it means even less to me since I'm European and have no interest in sports, so I can't, and wouldn't anyway. But atleast these sportspersons were good at public speaking since they do it for a living.
Then Kudo motherfucking Tsunoda came, who looked like he fell asleep drunk on a park bench next to a playground in the previous night came. This meant ''lube up your buttholes, it's NATAL TIME''. Then the rest was more or less a boring blur. Games no better than any of the Nintendo ones were shown. The best part was watching the humans IRL as they spazzed around like they were running from invisible rapists while covered in bees. There was a game like Nintendogs, there was some game that made the players look like complete re... oh wait that's all of them. Everything looked like something already done on the Wii, and not done one bit better than the Wii. I stopped paying attention, I was at that point just imagining a scenario where I am in the E3 crowd, I sneak out and follow Kudo as he goes to a toilet, and then I beat him up and rape him with his own shoes. Then they showed some Forza game with Natal and for the first time since Kinect time started, I actually said ''oh hey, that looks cool.''.
Then finally they unveiled the Xbox 360 Slim. Bigger HDD and stuff and it was all nice, but they forgot to tell one thing, the Red Ring of Death rate. Actually, I don't think they forgot, I think they were too proud to accept that there's a failure rate, which is stupid, since that's the first thing that stops me from buying one.

So overall, Microsoft had the worst press conference, not just from the big 3, but every company that had one. Also, no pricepoint on Kinect. Why? Probably since if it really is the 150$ rumored, the internet would have laughed at them so hard, the penises everyone who participated in this press conference would irreversably shrink.

55/100

Fortengard Custom, LAUNCHING

Hello my children, I am James F. Fortengard, nerd extraordinare. This is my blog. It is dedicated to various things, such as anime, manga, tv shows, movies, video games and toys. And sometimes cooking. This is my blog. To set the mood and welcome you, in this image you see EVA 01, Arbalest and Kabuto threathening you with knives. How uplifting.

Also me and my partner in crime may try launching a podcast. Ideally it will be recorded during or after E3.