Fortengard wisdom : theoretical alcohol brands and their commercials

Now I think I should provide some context about these before I write them. I have friends in Finland with who I play Super Street Fighter IV with on some weekends, and it involves booze. My buddy Ernest is better than me or Joni at video games, but he usualy drinks himself in to a coma and the next day he's got a terrible hangover, while Joni, who is fuled by alcohol takes the helm and plays against me through PSN, and we have a fierce, rivalry, altough it's mostly from Joni's side.
So I was reading Achewood because of reccomendation from Cathal, and I read one of the earlier strips where Mr.Bear catches Lyle doing caligraphy, and Mr.Bear commends Lyle for it, but Lyle just says ''I just sometimes imagine what it would be like if I had my own whiskey brand, you know?'' and the label says ''Liquid Banjo''.
This got me thinking, what if I had my own brand of booze? And what if I had a commercial for it? And what about my friends?

Then, I imagined this

There is a fog in a dark room, the only light comes from the window and the light of two monitors. The camera pans, revealing the contures of anime figures, DVD cases and stacks of video game magazines. There is a man sitting on a bed, his identity obscured by the lighting. There is the tapping of buttons coming from something he is holding with both hands. There is movement of obscured shapes on one of the monitors.
clickity clackity
clickity clackity
in the background, a clock can be heard, too
The clacking becomes more intense
The man is getting more worked up
by the other monitor, there is a bottle, it's label not seen
Suddenly, a sound!
''KO!!!!!!'' the announcer in the video game yells
The man throws down his controller against the bed
A clock is shown, it shows that it's now 2 AM
He reaches for the bottle
He drinks from it
''Fuck Joni, seriously''
He puts it down again, now the light reveals the label of the bottle
And then Nolan North narrates ''Pissing The Night Away, a new sensation by James Fortengard, for those friday nights''

But wait, there's also a sequel, with a new protagonist, brand and style.

Nighttime, in a room with decent, but nondynamic lighting.
A man with blonde hair is passed out on a bed.
In the background, music by Finnish superstar Matti Nykanen (just fucking listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmMD6bLnvMI&feature=related )
You hear the clicking of buttons
A dog barks and walks by
A the back of a man who looks like a cross between Brad Shoemaker and the guy who portrayed the Glitch Gremlin in AVGN.
click click clack
''fakkin bullshit'' says the man
The camera now shows the man from the front, not showing the screen
He reaches for a bottle of cheap looking liqour
He plays the game with one hand
He drinks from the bottle, not breaking his gaze from the screen
As he starts to take another swig
''KO!!!!!!!'' shouts the game enhusiasticaly
He almost spills his drink and chokes
He coughs a bit and with a gasping voice he says
''Fakking bullshit'' in his unique accent
He puts the bottle down and goes to the PC to send taunts to the player who he just faced
The camera now shows the label of the cheap looking liqour
And Billy Herrington reads this
''Kuppenkorva, gives you the power of 10 drunks and will show syphilis who's the boss of this gym''
Endorsed by Darksydephil

And then there's a 3rd chapter in the saga.

The blonde man is in an alcohol-induced coma
A dog walks to him, whines and licks his hand
There is intense clicking of buttons heard in the background, the person clicking them not seen
this scene goes on for 10 seconds without change
the chirping of crickets
the sound of something falling down
''FAKKING SPAMMER'' yells the unseen man
The dog stares at the direction of the unseen man
the sleeping man makes a ''nnnggg'' sound, twitches slightly
The camera zooms out, a bottle is now in the foreground, and the camera focuses on it
The voice of Dante, Reuben Langdon, reads ''Ruined Tomorrow, you'll sleep like you a rock, but help you god when you wake up''

I'll probably come up with something more like this, and if you want me to make one about you, just ask. It also doesn't have to be booze.

what a terrible night to have a hangover